The intrusive thoughts that were my near constant tormentors receded and receded until they were gone altogether. I could sleep. I could take a breath.
Here’s the thing: had I not hit rock-bottom with postpartum depression, anxiety, and OCD, I don’t know if I ever would have been courageous enough to get the treatment I’ve always needed. But since it was no longer just me and my exceedingly supportive and long-suffering husband, I knew something had to give if I was going to be a successful mother. Getting help took work, work that felt nearly impossible in the dark mire of depression. I called so many different therapists before I found one that took my insurance. It took over a month to even get in with the postpartum specialist who ended up changing my life. And then another full month before the medication kicked in.
The process felt like climbing a steep hill on a hot day.
Often, my depression made me just want to give up. But I did not. I persisted. I was stubborn enough to know that I deserved to get better, for myself, my husband, and my child. I only wish now that I had gotten the help I needed so much sooner. How many hours and days of my thirty years thus far had been stolen or darkly colored by anxiety and depression? More than I care to count. Finally, finally, I knew freedom. Finally, I knew peace. Finally, I could face new motherhood with joy and anticipation, rather than dread.
I am now profoundly thankful for my postpartum anxiety and depression. Though it was perhaps the most frightening time of my life, walking through that dark place and finally into the light changed everything for me. Had it not been for those days of deep sadness and fear, today I would not be free. If this is where you are at today, please know you are not alone. You can and will get through this. Don’t wait another moment; get help today.
Get started here: www.postpartumprogress.com
This piece originally appeared on Her View From Home. Kimberly Poovey is a writer, speaker, wife, and over-caffeinated new(ish) mom. She runs a teen pregnancy prevention program for a nonprofit and is a founder of Pearls, an organization that serves women in the sex industry and fights human trafficking. You can find her over on Scary Mommy, The Mighty, her blog, and on Facebook.
