Now, I understand if you feel that I misled you and this is NOT the self-settling you were hoping to read about. It’s certainly not the type advertised by sleep consultants. But guess what? It’s natural, gentle and responsive.
Yet there will be those who insist I’ve taught my baby bad habits. But a baby’s need to be close to her caregiver is not a habit, nor is it taught. It’s a primal and natural instinct we all have from birth, and it manifests itself even in adulthood (and many of us still love to fall asleep next to our loved one). What I hope I AM teaching my child though, is that her emotional needs are valid and that I’m here to support her through the highs and lows.
I remember when only two months ago my little girl was learning to walk. She would demand I accompany her on her walkabouts and we would do circle after circle after circle around the house for what felt like eternity. I had to hunch down to reach her little hands and it was absolutely exhausting…but also gratifying. First she needed to hold onto both my hands, then only one. As she gained more confidence she could cover larger and larger distances on her own. Eventually she didn’t need me to walk with her anymore. Now she happily runs away from me with delighted squeals.
A similar thing will happen with sleep, because, like walking, it’s developmental. And though well-wishers will keep trying to convince me that she’ll NEVER sleep on her own if I don’t train her, I know that one day she’ll want her own bed and her own room, and eventually she’ll venture out into the world to build her own life.
It will happen sooner that it seems and I want to look back to this time with fondness… and maybe some laughs.
Alla Zaykova is a communications professional, a working mum and a storyteller with a newfound passion – gentle parenting. She lives in Wellington, New Zealand, with her husband and daughter.
Have any of your experienced something similar with your own child? Feel free to share your experiences in the comments below so other mothers can see that there is an alternative to sleep training.
Thanks for this. My 9 month old has started doing this sometimes during the night – rather than feeding to sleep he will roll away from me after a feed, not want a cuddle but flail around the bed for a while until he falls asleep in some obscure position or gets upset and needs another cuddle or feed. This has helped me understand that he wants to, and is, learning to settle himself back to sleep.
Yes! To all of this. My little guy just turned 2 and still the “song and dance” at bedtime. He nurses, does what I refer to ask his yoga (sometimes while nursing) jumps around some, comes back to nurse, and eventually settles down, calms his busy little body, and falls asleep, usually latched. But I know it won’t be much longer! And he’s never been one to accept the “drowsy but awake” line of thinking. Just not his jam. And that’s totally ok!
I did exactly this with my daughter, and she slept in her own bed, by herself, before she turned 3. “Children need security before they’re capable of being independent”, best advice my mother ever gave me.
Thank you! This is exactly what I needed to hear. My boy of 1 has started doing this. I just need to be there and allow him.