DON’T BLAME “THE BABY”
Avoid blaming everything on “the baby” – a common error. How do we do that? – “We can’t go now, Mummy has to feed THE BABY.” “Be quiet so you don’t wake THE BABY.” “I can’t play right now, I have to bathe THE BABY.” And so on. Very soon, your older child will be ready to send THE BABY from whence it came! Of course, “the baby” really is the reason, but instead of calling that out, use a few multipurpose statements such as, “My hands are busy right now,” “We’ll go later, after lunch/nap,” “Yes, we can play, in twenty minutes.”
LET YOUR FIRSTBORN LEARN
Accept your child’s curiosity about the new baby, whom she will want to touch and hold.
Allow your child to explore, hold, and feel the baby when the baby is sound asleep.
Once your child is a bit more experienced (and the baby a bit sturdier), let your child hold and caress the awake, alert baby. And encourage having your child touch and talk to the baby when the little one is safe in your arms. Touch and communication are important to both of them and their budding relationship. You and your child will soon be rewarded and delighted by smiles of recognition from the little one.
USE POSITIVE WORDS
Use positive terms to patiently teach your older child how to touch and play with the baby. Avoid using “no” and replace it with positive instructions. As an example, instead of saying, “No! Don’t touch the baby’s eyes!”, you can say, “Emma’s eyes are delicate; touch her instead on her cheeks and her chin.”
Avoid overusing “no” and “stop” by using an approach I call “hover and rescue.” Hover over your children and intervene only if you see things moving away from your comfort zone. Then simply pick the baby up, distract the older child, and move on to something else.
PROVIDE FOR REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
Give your older child realistic information about babies – that they sleep a lot, nurse a lot, have a noisy and loud cry, will have lots of messy diapers, and that it will be a while before they will turn into a fun playmate.
Teach the older sibling how to be helpful with the baby, without expecting your firstborn to become a built-in babysitter. Encourage and praise whenever things are going right.
REMIND YOUR CHILD OF HER OWN BABYHOOD
It’s a great time to pull out photos and movies of your older child as a baby. As you go through them, help your child see that at one time she was the baby who was getting special attention.
The new baby will require extensive care and commitment from you. But make sure that your older child is also getting some one-on-one Mummy/Daddy/Grandma/etc. time. Allowing time for a shared game, book or cuddle can go a long way towards helping your older child feel secure in your love for her.
With a little heart, increased awareness, and a few new tactics, you can all enjoy this remarkable family transformation together.
Originally published here.
Elizabeth Pantley is a mother of four, grandmother, and author of the bestselling book, The No-Cry Sleep Solution, plus 8 other books in the No-Cry Solution Series which helps Mums and Dads through all key stages of parenting. Visit her at nocrysolution.com.
