Discuss with your partner beforehand and come up with a game plan so that you’re both on the same page
You don’t want to be trying to navigate this with sideways glances at each other or tense, whispered conversations, so be prepared. Discuss who you might be expecting comments or questions from and have a game plan for how you’ll have each other’s backs. Maybe you’ll ensure you’re sitting next to each other at dinner and choose seats at the opposite end of the table from that person. Have a distraction tactic or something planned that you can quickly change the subject to. It can also be a good idea to have a signal (like a squeeze of their elbow) or a code word that tells the other person that it’s all a bit overwhelming and you need to go out for some fresh air.
Prepare for what is going to trigger you most, or what is most important that people understand, and have some quick comebacks in your mind
If you know that someone is going to tell you that you’re “spoiling” your little one by attending to their needs, you can simply say “fruit spoils, not babies – we don’t believe you can spoil a human with love.” If you’re worried about someone questioning your breastfeeding choices, you can respond to “they’re only feeding for comfort” with “yes, they are feeding for comfort, and comfort is a valid need that I will always attend to.” Humour can be helpful too – when someone asks “are they a good baby?”, you can respond with “no, I had to bail them out of jail last week for robbing a bank!”.
If you know that someone is going to tell you that you’re “spoiling” your little one by attending to their needs, you can simply say “fruit spoils, not babies – we don’t believe you can spoil a human with love.”
Plan for some time and space to decompress and debrief after each event
This can be just as important as preparing for and getting through the celebrations. Vent about the conversations you had to navigate and celebrate your wins! Don’t forget self-compassion and don’t be too hard on yourself.
Remember that just like this stage in your parenting journey, it’s just a season and it will be over before you know it.
You’ve got this. Happy Christmas!
Sarah is a Baby Sleep & Well-Being Coach and the founder of Blossom and Snooze, supporting parents to understand biologically normal infant sleep and feel empowered on their responsive parenting adventure. With a focus on attachment and the connection between parent and child, the approach of her work is based on simple sleep education and provides solutions which are developmentally appropriate and individually tailored to each unique baby and family. Also an advocate for supporting a mother’s matrescence, Sarah is passionate about helping mums understand the social-cultural constructs which they face along their journey. Sarah is an Australian mum, providing virtual consults to families worldwide: you can find her on Instagram @blossomandsnooze and you can book 1:1 support on her website www.blossomandsnooze.com.
