Timing is Everything
A big takeaway from the seminar was that when you talk to your teen matters just as much as how you talk to them. Parents love to ask, “How was your day?” the second their kid walks in the door – but after six hours of school, maybe a long bus ride, and navigating social stress, most teens just aren’t in the mood for a debrief.
Instead, start noticing when your teen is most open to talking. Maybe it’s at bedtime, during car rides, or when you’re doing something together (without forced eye contact). Timing can make a huge difference.
Curiosity Over Judgement
One of the biggest shifts you can make as a parent is to move from judgement to curiosity. Instead of reacting immediately when your teen acts out, try asking yourself:
- What else might be going on here?
- What emotions are behind their reaction?
- How can I create a space where they feel safe to talk?
When we lead with curiosity instead of criticism, we’re more likely to get the real story – and they’re more likely to trust us with it.
Tool: The Teen Stress Meter: Avoiding Power Struggles
To help parents know when to engage, I introduced the Traffic Light System 🚦
- 🟢 Green Zone: Teen is in a good mood and open to talking. Great time to connect!
- 🟡 Yellow Zone: They’re a little irritable but reachable – approach with snacks and a chill vibe.
- 🚨 Red Zone: They’re overwhelmed, shutting down, upset, or angry. Give them space or you’ll just escalate things. They need more time to emotionally recharge and regulate.
This system helps you avoid unnecessary arguments and meet them at the right moment.
Action Time: Try One Small Shift
At the end of the seminar, I challenged parents to try one small shift this week. Whether it’s using a new response, adjusting your timing, or getting curious instead of assuming. These little changes can make a huge difference. I encourage you to give one of the tools or suggestions above a go as well!
Remember, it’s not about getting it perfect. It’s about repair and humility – showing up differently and creating a space where your teen actually wants to open up to you.
Ready to get curious?
Want more strategies for connecting with your teen? Find Mel at www.melwhiteparentcoach.com or @melwhiteparentcoach on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook. Make these teen years easier – for both of you.
Mel White is a parent coach, youth mentor, podcaster, and writer dedicated to transforming the way we approach parenting during the teen years. Her mission is simple: parenting doesn’t have to feel like a battle. Instead, it can be a space for connection, growth, and empowerment.
