4.“Bring whoever you damn well want into your birthing space”
This advice is for my second-time “mummy” self! Look, let’s be honest, I think we all know how supportive our other halves are going to be in labour and maybe we are too scared to admit it to ourselves. OR, we hope they are going to miraculously change once the labour starts! My husband was pretty good, but he was not vibing with me! There was no boost of the much – needed oxytocin (apart from the drip), no back rubs, no staring longingly into each other’s eyes, no changing into board shorts so he could get as wet as me in the shower! What he did do was protect me when I needed the strength to stand up for myself and he never once left my side. But what I knew I needed was my mother or my sister, which would have been uncomfortable for him. Only in an embarrassed, private sort of way. I did need to give my wonderful husband the chance to be amazing and supportive in my first birth, but once I worked out that this is NOT his thing, I should have had my mum or sister in the room for my next 2 births.
As a midwife you start being of the opinion that birth is “women’s business” and that few men are really good at it. If Russell Brand was my husband, well than it would be different! You might be lucky enough to have a man that sees birth and the birth space as a spiritual and ritual rite of passage into the physical world. My husband does not share this view; for him it is traumatic watching someone you love going through such pain without being able to control it, but my mother, she would have shared my view!
5.“Join a mother’s group”
Again, my egoic mind was in control and I must have thought, “I have enough friends, I don’t need to go and mix with strangers for support”. I have watched as all my friends developed amazing friendships with the girls from their mother’s groups! And the babies have all grown up to have great childhood friends, even sometimes tackling prep together. Mother’s groups are a way to off load to others around you who get you. There is no need to have to explain yourself to people who do not understand. I feel like this is even more important in today’s society, where social media is such a huge presence, and women are checking out instead of checking into the “real” world. We need human connections, and your growing baby needs to watch you making these connections, so that they can see the importance of women supporting other women!
I will leave you with my favourite celebrity quote to answer this question as I think it is relevant to the journey ahead. Good luck and try and enjoy the ride!!
Jada Pinkett Smith
“I wish I had known then that pain is just a part of your journey and it’s not because you’ve done something wrong or because you’re cursed or you’re a bad person, we’re all going through it”, Jada revealed to ET. “We all have pain; we all have a story. And, so, all we need to do is support each other through it and I wish I had known that, ‘Jada, it’s just a part of it, baby. It’s going to be okay.'”
Amy lives with her husband and three children on the Gold Coast where she enjoys relaxing, going to the beach, Pilates, Yoga, bushwalking and paddle boarding. But… it is her role as a midwife, working with families to support and encourage them through the journey of becoming a family for the first time, which drives her. She started her career as a midwife for the sole purpose of helping families in those first stages of life, giving support and guidance to parents so that they could walk out of hospital with the confidence to cope and enjoy the first stages of parenthood. The creation of The Mindful Mama Co. is to bring acceptance and support for women who need a sanctuary! A place to come and share, to debrief if needed, to connect, learn, focus, and develop not just as mothers but as people too.
