It is completely normal to experience growing pains, even for couples who successfully navigate their changing circumstances. These changes are significant – like working out who is responsible for running the new-look household and the emotional labour of the family; how to spend time together as a couple and alone; and attempting to not get bogged down in the daily tasks. Research shows that couples who were able to spend less time in conflict with one another about such matters reported much higher levels of satisfaction and repair.
These couples were able to negotiate any issues and proactively invest in each other’s emotional wellbeing. They still managed to inject fun, laughter and intimacy into their relationship, were more compassionate when communicating and their expectations were aligned.
Their strong friendship and trust helped them to create solid rituals that established them as both a couple and a family.
It is easy to become complacent and to rely on the positive beliefs and behaviours prior to having children; after all, most couples ignore the problem in the hope it’ll go away. How the couple treat their relationship within the first few years of parenthood is the blueprint to how their relationship will function in the future. Simply wanting the relationship to be better isn’t enough.
It is important to remember that the success of the family relies on the happiness of the couple. For all family members to come out thriving, couples need to establish protective factors in their relationship which establish intimacy, trust, compassion and connection. Couples who invest in their relationship through education are likely to continue to have positive attributes (like communication) for four years after learning.
Addressing any issues early on will avoid heartache further down the line and will protect your children from negative energy at home.
To find out more about how to upskill your relationship skills and increase the sense of fun, intimacy and connection, head to the Whole Heart Relationships website and view their Intimacy Bootcamp Back to Basics course. It is a 5-week online course helping couples get back to the basics of what makes a marriage work well. Most people know instinctively that they should manage their conflict and spend more time together, but no one ever provided a “user manual” on how to do it and this course will do that for you.
Julia Nowland is a Relationship Therapist and founder of Whole Heart Relationships. She specialises in helping couples with young children prioritise their relationship and strengthen their love. She is a trained Family Systems Therapist with a Masters in Social Health, and over a decade of experience helping couples and families. She is regularly called upon as a relationship expert, has appeared on National TV and radio and featured in major publications including Woman’s Day and Psych Central.
More than ten years’ experience in the therapeutic industry didn’t prepare her for life with a toddler! The challenges that her beautiful relationship would face as it stretched and grew, welcoming in a new addition, led her to research how couples manage this transition, coming out stronger than ever. She wanted to know what the important factors are that contribute to keeping the style in your lifestyle.
