By Dr. Laura Markham
What are your biggest strengths as a parent? What would an impartial observer admire if she could watch your best moments with your child or children?
Don’t worry about humility; just be honest. Maybe you’re a good listener. Maybe you keep things organised in your family so everything runs smoothly. Maybe you do lose it with your child sometimes, but you always apologise and reconnect. Maybe your child loves your family dance parties and laughs till he drops. Everyone has some things they do really well as a parent. We’re going to build on those strengths.
1. Make a list, in writing, of what you’re most proud of about yourself as a parent
Include all those things no one else ever even notices. Make sure to mention the things that might look simple from the outside, but take extra effort for you.
And yes, include those moments when you don’t completely pull it off, but you’re able to notice things going downhill in the middle of an interaction and turn things around. Those moments are your growing edge, where transformation happens.
Keep adding to your list until you have at least ten things that you’re proud of about yourself as a parent. (Better yet, 20 or 30!).
2. Read through your list and give yourself appreciation for everything on it
You may find your inner critic offering a counterpoint of all the things you don’t do as well. There will always be those things if you’re human, because there’s no way for humans to be perfect. Join the club. Offer yourself compassion that you will never be perfect, no matter how hard you try. And then, for right now, just let those things you’re still working on go.
Today, focus on all the things you do right as a parent. Give yourself total appreciation and credit for all that hard work. Savour that feeling.
Appreciating yourself lifts your mood and helps you feel more emotionally generous. But let’s take this a step further. What can this list teach you that will help you be your best self more often?
You may find your inner critic offering a counterpoint of all the things you don’t do as well. There will always be those things if you’re human, because there’s no way for humans to be perfect.
3. Consider what helps you be at your best as a parent
I know, you’re a better parent when your child behaves – but you can count on children exhibiting childish behaviour. And if we’re honest, we have to admit that a lot of how our kids act depends on how we’re showing up with them. Answer these three questions:
- What helps you be your personal best as a parent, even when your child isn’t at his or her best?
- What support would help you to be that parent more often?
- How can you give yourself that support every single day, until it becomes a habit?
