It was about 6.30am when we heard Juniper wake in the bedroom, she was upset. Ben brought her to me; she had fallen out of bed and needed comfort. I tried to nurse her between contractions but she wasn’t sure about the deep primal noises I was making by this point and bless her soul, she tried to help by bringing me things that would make me feel better. But I just couldn’t engage with her which was even more upsetting for her. She started to cry and tell me that she felt scared. I consoled her the best I could while Ben called my mum to be with her. In the meantime, we had to let her watch a programme on the iPad which she was very happy with and I could focus on birthing again.
At this point, I managed to convince Ben we needed to call the midwife in and at 7am she quietly arrived. We talked about giving me an internal which she knew I didn’t originally want but was asking for one at this point. She managed to convince me against it and reassured me that I was going to birth this baby this morning! I remember thinking to myself “Yeah right lady! Just you wait, I’ll be days yet!” I heard Ben write something to her behind my back and then I heard the midwife agree, then talk on the phone to my birth photographer – Cassie from Capturing Life Photography. She was telling her that things were going faster than we had thought and that we needed her there. I still thought everyone was overreacting – I thought how can this baby just about be here? I haven’t even felt like I’m getting crushed with these contractions yet, like I had experienced so vividly with my first. Completely forgetting all the birth preparation I had done, and asking this birth and the lessons that come with it to come to me with ease. I had forgotten to trust this baby!
At this moment I decided to reach down and check how far along I was. I got a great shock when I felt the bag of waters with the head just behind it a few centimetres from the opening. I had reached full dilation without realising it and my body and the baby had already begun pushing without my mind catching up. I excitedly told my midwife and again she just smiled and said “Yes, you’re birthing this baby this morning.” Just after this my mum walked in and a sense of relief for me knowing Juniper had her support person there.
A couple more tightenings and pop! My waters broke! They were dark. I felt my heart drop, thinking we would be transferred but no one said anything apart from my midwife who must have seen my face and told me that no one was panicking and it was OK! I was surprised but it was exactly what I needed to hear. I gathered my thoughts and told myself to get up and birth this baby now. I got on all fours and rested my arms on the table in front of me and went into a deep squat with my knees on the ground and Ben behind me ready to catch. It was at this point that everyone around me dissolved into the background, it was just me and my baby working together.
8.30am and the birth photographer made it. I had everyone here now. All I had to do was bring this baby earth-side! I felt a lot less pressure now my waters had gone and the head was ready to pass through soon after. I really had to use my control to let this happen slowly so I didn’t tear. Unlike my first birth, I really felt the ring of fire and if I was able to I would have been screaming “THE RING OF FIRE!!!” as baby’s head was crowning! I could feel baby doing a lot of the work and really getting themselves out of the birth canal; I was praising baby in my head for doing so well. I had no fear, just complete trust in the process, in my body and my baby.
At 8.42am on the 8th of October, our baby boy Azure Bloom was born into his daddy’s arms with big sister watching from a distance. We asked her to come closer and she gave daddy cuddles and me a kiss. It was the most powerful feeling, realising I had just done it! I had gotten my home birth. And as much as I wanted to stay where I was, I needed to move from the kitchen floor. So Ben and my midwife helped me onto the couch so that I could birth the placenta, which I did while giving Azure his first breastfeed.
