A Motherhood Word Every Mother Needs to Know: Matrescence

By Alicia Bekker

Imagine we are sitting across from each other at a vibrant café. The coffee is warm, the background chatter is a gentle hum, and you look across the table at me, exhausted, and whisper: “I love my child so much, but I feel like I am completely losing my mind. What is wrong with me?”

I would lean in, take a sip of my flat white, and tell you gently: “There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You aren’t failing; you are going through Matrescence.”

Most people have never heard this word, yet it describes the most radical transformation a woman will ever experience. To put it simply: Matrescence is the ongoing, life-altering transition of becoming and being a mother.

Coined in 1973 by medical anthropologist Dana Raphael and expanded by psychologist Dr Aurélie Athan, Matrescence is defined as:

“A developmental passage where a woman transitions through pre-conception, pregnancy and birth, surrogacy or adoption, to the postnatal period and beyond. The exact length of Matrescence is individual, recurs with each child, and may arguably last a lifetime! The scope of the changes encompasses multiple domains – bio-psycho-social-political-spiritual – and can be likened to the developmental push of adolescence.”

It is the psychological, emotional, physical, and social birth of you as a parent. Just as we do not expect a child to transform into a teenager overnight without growing pains, we cannot expect a woman to become a mother without a profound internal shift.

It’s Not Just About the Baby

When preparing for a baby, society places all its focus on the arrival of the child and gathering baby gear. We talk about the nursery, wraps, prams, and sleep routines. Somehow, the birth of the mother is left out of the conversation. I did not learn about Matrescence until five years after having my firstborn, yet it is a continuous cycle of change occurring inside every mother with each pregnancy and child.

When you cross the threshold into motherhood, every layer of your life undergoes a major renovation:

Your Identity Shifts: You are no longer who you were before. You are navigating an entirely new version of yourself, which often includes a period of grieving your former independence. Feeling caught between who you were and who you are becoming is completely normal.

Your Biology and Brain Change: Your body undergoes structural changes, and so does your brain. Recent neuroscience reveals that a mother’s brain undergoes extensive neuroplastic remodelling during pregnancy and postpartum to prime her for caregiving, a biological evolution that continues for years.

Your Relationships Evolve: Dynamics with your partner, family, and friends shift. Roles are renegotiated, and boundaries often must be established from scratch.

Your Values Realign: What felt critically important two years ago might not register today. Your internal compass reorients around your new reality.

Why Knowing This Word Changes Everything

When we lack language for an experience, we tend to default to self-criticism. We scroll through social media or look at another mother at the park and may wonder: “Why is this so hard for me? They make it look so effortless. Am I the only one struggling?”

Every mother navigates transition differently based on her personal history, nervous system, and support network. Moving through phases of disorientation, fatigue, and emotional maternal ambivalence (experiencing two opposing feelings at the same time) is a normal part of human growth.

When we mistake these natural developmental phases as personal failure, shame takes root.

Learning the word Matrescence dissolves that shame. You stop asking “What is wrong with me?” and begin asking “What support does this evolving part of me need right now?” Finding motherhood challenging does not mean you are doing it wrong; it simply means you are growing.

You Don’t Have to Walk the Transition Alone

There is a significant gap between clinical discharge at 6 weeks postpartum and the daily reality of raising children, while getting to know the new version of yourself in the process. You are allowed to find this season hard, and you deserve safe, non-judgmental spaces to speak those truths out loud.

You are stepping into an entirely new chapter of yourself. Let us give ourselves and other mothers the grace, tools, and village they need to thrive.