Here are some things which may help a father with holding the space:
- Find alignment in parenting style. This may take months, but keep talking, read and be open minded to more approaches than what you know and have experienced in your childhood. There are so many good articles and books out there. So read. Read together. Read for your child.
- Look for things to acknowledge. You will find them. This can really shift the energy in the home from negative to positive. Having the acknowledgement of your husband is a powerful thing for a mother. You don’t really need much else. Try to develop grace with other things. Consider it depositing good energy into the bank.
- Just get over the dishes in the sink and pile of clean laundry. Or better still, chip in. This is normal.
- Protect her from family or others that challenge her mothering. There is nothing more powerful to shut down a conversation than the husband being in support of the mother. A little comment like “I think she does an amazing job” is gold.
- Find how you can “fit in”. I can’t think of a better way to phrase this. Two or three little things to help out but that make a world of difference. It is about family finding its groove, being part of the team; this helps overcome feelings of being left out. For us right now it is dishwasher stacking and Saturday mornings at the park with daddy.
- Find what helps you connect to your child and know your time will come. Often dads find a connection they never imagined. There is nothing like the excitement of a toddler or preschooler when daddy comes home.
- Know that as your baby and toddler grow, you will start to see and appreciate the lovely child they are becoming, which can lead to a new found deep appreciation of how they have been mothered.
- Just know how important your role of just holding the space is. A husband’s comfortable and allowing presence, is wonderful. You are the energetic roof over your family. Their shelter, just like the statue.
This “holding the space” is so much more significant than the practical help. It is when the husband truly understands and truly appreciates, that he truly holds the space. It makes such a difference to the energy of the home. Everything and everyone can flourish from here. I truly hope all families find this.
For more insights from Carolyn Hood on Gentle Parenting visit the Gentle Evolution Facebook page, or her website www.gentleevolution.com
An enlightening and practical read. Always helpful in raising awareness on the role Dad-to-be can play.