As each of these ladies gave me their bead, they explained its meaning and/or gave me a positive message to carry with me into labour, birth and beyond. Now, every time I look at it, I am so touched by the fact that it represents these women in my life. It is a physical reminder of their messages of support and is completely unique, including amber for promoting calm but also energy; rose quartz to promote bonding and healing; feathers for gratitude; a turtle (from my TFTMS cowriter, Lauren) for patience, persistence and protection. There’s a bead from Cape Town (we visited earlier this year) on there, and I snuck on a shell from the Scillies (the place I love most).
Then I sat and ate yet more food(!) whilst each guest wrote a card, which they then sealed and placed in a jar – I haven’t read these yet, but each person has ‘promised’ something they will do for us when the baby arrives. This could be something practical, such as: ‘I will come and clean your kitchen/do your laundry/help you with breastfeeding/entertain your other child(ren)/bring you food’ or the more emotional/spiritual ‘I will be your shoulder to cry on/a listening ear’, for example. I will open these once the baby is born. I suspect they will make me cry – I felt very emotional during the blessing (in a good way!).
Next, Ellen threaded more beads onto a long string, before each lady wrapped it around her wrist and passed it on to the next person. Eventually, they were all connected in a circle, before the string was cut to create a bracelet for each of them. When they hear that I’m in labour, they will cut the string and light a candle, given to each of them to take away, to wish me a safe and empowered birth.
At some point during these proceedings, Primrose popped back in, probably because Milla had disappeared from her sight when she came to find Lauren. It was lovely for them to be involved, along with another friend’s two boys.
Finally, we all headed to meet the chaps who had done a brilliant job of BBQing yet more lovely food. We sat in the sunshine and the ladies (including the toddlers!) created some bunting – lots of flags filled with words, affirmations and pictures to buoy me along in labour and release lots of oxytocin. I haven’t looked at these yet either but I know that at least two of them refer to gin(!) Other forms of birth art include painting stones with empowering words, creating a quilt or mobile for the baby or creating a ‘vision board’ for the birth.
For anyone who feels the way I do about baby showers, I thoroughly recommend this lovely ceremony. You cannot help feeling empowered, supported and loved and, of course, this will have a positive and calming effect on any lady feeling apprehensive about labour or birth…
But perhaps most importantly, it focuses on what is truly important. In our society, so much emphasis is placed on the material – the nursery, the travel system, the clothes your baby will wear; so many women fear birth; so much of the media focuses on negative birth stories and so many women don’t have a ‘village’ around them once their baby arrives. This blessing brought home to me all that is important – guidance, love, positivity and knowing that, when you I be feeling at my most exhausted and vulnerable, help is there in the form of these brilliant women who surround me, and it’s OK to ask for it.
Did you have a mother’s blessing instead of a baby shower? What did it mean to you? And what did you make to look at/wear during your baby’s birth?
Originally published on Tales From The Mother Side. Jo is co-founder of ‘Tales from the Mother Side’, a blog centred around gentle parenting, breastfeeding support and the ups and downs of life as a parent. You can also find them on Facebook.
Photography within the blog by Jenny at Rose Tinted Glass.
