5) Wear your baby
Have a carrier ready before your baby is born. Beware though, a man wearing a baby becomes a ‘chick magnet’ (mostly to little old ladies) when he is out on his own with the baby. Suck up the attention but take the advice with a pinch of salt – and don’t suggest any of it to your partner. She will be receiving so much advice from others, she doesn’t need any more noise in her head – unless its so bloody ridiculous it will make her laugh.
6) You’re not “helping out” your partner.
You’re parenting! Family, friends and complete strangers will coo over every thing you do (see, wearing your baby). That is lovely, because parenthood is a huge adjustment for both of you, but please remember to point out to everyone how wonderful your partner is too, and all the things they’re doing right -mothers tend to get taken for granted or even criticized for how they do things.
7) Take her side – even (or especially) against your own mother
Always take your partner’s side, no matter what your mother and friends say. When people ask you, “is he a good baby?” remember the next question will be “does he sleep all night?” This is none of their business (are they offering to do an overnighter or have they come with casseroles?). Be polite but throw them off at the pass with the first question: Tell them, no he’s a bad baby, he’s already robbing banks/getting a tattoo/ we are putting him on Ebay next week. With luck, they will forget to ask, ‘how is he sleeping?” And you just might get away without hearing about the ‘bad habits’ you are creating. If you are making different choices to your family and friends, read up, take classes, be informed, so you can defend your choices as a team (remember, your partner is exhausted, hormonal and vulnerable).
8) Just do it!
If you’re not comfortable doing something, like dressing or bathing your baby for fear you might do it ‘wrong’ or hurt the baby, just do it anyway. The more you try, the easier it will be, And, when you are going out, get yourself ready then help get the baby ready while your partner gets herself ready. If you don’t want it all to end up in tears (hers) or having to wait while she feeds the baby. Again! pitch in and help get everyone out the door. “Stepping up’ and being a team player right from the start is an investment in your relationship with your baby and your partner relationship.
9) Don’t mention the mess. Ever.
There will be mess – baby stuff, washing (how can one tiny person create so much washing?), all the gear you haven’t unpacked from hospital, dying flowers and all the gifts people give you for babies that you haven’t put away yet. Pick up after yourself (and her) and don’t make a fuss. She doesn’t want to hear that you popped on a load of washing – really? You found the laundry detergent and pressed the buttons all by yourself? Now go and hang it out, it doesn’t matter that its night time and it won’t dry now. It could be lunchtime or later (see, sitting in the chair all day feeding and burping and cuddling) before she gets to hanging it out tomorrow and it won’t dry then either but if it’s out now, it could just catch some sunlight tomorrow and she can bring it in when she gets a break. If you work long hours or feel overwhelmed too, organize for someone to help- hire a cleaner or ask grandparents for help.
