The drive: What challenges have you overcome?
That’s an interesting one! How do you tell someone that they need something, that they don’t know that they need, until after they need it? Haha – that’s a mouthful!
I literally carry my soap box around with me: ‘Question everything, make sure you understand what you are consenting to and why, ask what the alternatives are, know what happens if you just wait, do your own digging into the research that is out there’…etc. And that’s what my Mama Bear Birth Prep course is about.
My parents go into the birthing room armed and ready. They know what they do and don’t want; they know what to do if things change from their plan; they know how to hold their boundaries; and they are practised at asking the right questions to ensure their choice is fully informed. And because of that, they leave their birth experience, however it looked, knowing it was right for them on the day. And that in itself reduces the likelihood of them being left traumatised by events.
Whether someone experiences trauma isn’t always determined by what happened to them. Often it’s about how in control they felt, and so making the decisions for themselves and being fully informed by their care givers can make a huge difference. By using their voice, holding their boundaries, being confident to say ‘No’, ‘Stop’, ‘Wait’, and able to ask about the alternatives, what the statistics being quoted really mean, and knowing their legal rights, no matter how their birth looks on the day, means that they are less likely to experience trauma from their birth. Instead, they have a deep sense of empowerment, leading to a much more confident start to family life, and that is good for society.
For better or worse: What are the pros and cons of running your own business?
One of the pros is definitely that all my work comes from my core passion. It is so important to me that at a time when our NHS is incredibly stretched, and many midwives are overworked and stretched beyond what is safe, that I can use my voice to help people advocate for themselves and keep using my voice until things change.
The cons are that I carry my soap box on my back. People around me must be sick of me banging on about how things have to change and it has to come from families, midwives and the public, because governments have been given report after report after report, and they just aren’t making the change. The four-year term of government seems to enable them to keep kicking the can down the road, and it’s just not good enough. Haha, do you see what I mean – I can’t help but vent about it. It’s all so unnecessary and frustrating, but I can’t stop fighting for families and midwives. Everyone deserves better.
Hopes and dreams: What next?
A book and public speaking. I have started the book and I am chipping away at it. It’s all about getting the message out there that in the current system, you absolutely can advocate for yourself. You just need to know how to do it. Handing over your autonomy when you arrive at the door of maternity is not always the best thing for you. It’s also about helping people see the direct correlation between overstretched and not enough midwives, meaning there is an urgency to getting birthing people in and out as quickly as possible, so that the room is available for the next birthing person.
Rushing a natural process, that in most cases our bodies are perfectly built to manage, means that interventions happen too quickly. Women are told they aren’t strong enough, are too tired, need a little help… and there is the first drip of undermining her, when all she needed was support, confidence and a safe space to listen to her body without fear and threats of intervention.
What will I do next? Shout louder, advocate harder and remind people that birth isn’t riskier than it was before, but medicalisation of birth and loss of trust in women’s bodies is, and the longer the path of medicalisation goes on, the harder it is for new midwives to see how powerful natural, uninterrupted birth is. The sad thing about that is that they will evolve into American-style nurse midwives that are there to serve obstetrics rather than being the gold standard midwives that they deserve to be and Britain has historically been known for.
I have to have hope and I do believe that the tide can change – that we will get a government that has the vision to understand that good birth is better for society.
Visit the Mels Space website and find out more about Mama Bear Birth Prep. You can also connect with Mel on Facebook and Instagram.
