4. Emphasise pursuit of what really matters.
In a culture that glorifies wealth and celebrity, it takes clarity and intention to pose a meaningful alternative, but we owe our children the reassurance that life is more than glittering emptiness.
Share your heroes and sheroes with your kids. It may not be as cool to have a picture of Martin Luther King or Ghandi on their walls as the latest pop star or athletic icon, but kids need to know they can strive to make the world a better place – and accomplish it.
5. Be aware of addictions that undermine engagement.
The siren call of the computer game, for instance, can easily trump the budding passion of the jazz buff. Writing a story takes more work and self-management than watching TV, as is true for all great passions. But that engagement and the sense of accomplishment that results is why we grow from pursuing our dreams.
6. Remember that grand aspirations become reality one step at a time.
“Dad, it’s so cold, I wish these homeless people had a place to go!” and “Mom, I wish I could learn Italian!” are opportunities to help your child grow. Yes, these are big challenges, but you WANT her to think big. The trick in tackling a big goal is breaking it into small pieces: “Let’s go home and get a blanket to give that homeless man” or “Let’s start learning a few Italian phrases by finding an Italian app to listen to together while we’re driving to Grandma’s this weekend”.
7. Remember to model rewarding ourselves.
…for each step we make in the right direction. Often this reward is as simple as self praise, but every bit of progress deserves celebration. And of course, reward effort as well as results. “I know you can’t actually speak Italian yet, but you’ve been working so hard on learning new words! Let’s celebrate with an Italian dessert tonight”.
8. If your child’s passion is to make the world a better place.
And what a wonderful passion that is – be aware that both of you will be likely to confront feelings of hopelessness as you really engage with the problems of the world. Giving one blanket to a homeless man is likely to make her feel temporarily better, but also to drive home for her just how entrenched injustice is in our society, and how much work there is for all of us to do to heal our world. It helps if you can remind yourself and your child that every positive thing we do matters, even when we can’t see how. Remember the starfish story:
A man walking along a beach came upon a little boy running frantically along the sand, picking up starfish and tossing them gently into the water. “What are you doing?” he asked. “The tide is going out, and these starfish will die here on the shore,” the boy answered, barely looking up. The man studied the beach for a minute. There were hundreds of starfish lying in the hot sun. “But you can’t possibly save them all,” he said. “It isn’t worth it.” The boy looked up. “It’s worth it to this one!” he cried, as he tossed another starfish into the ocean.
Originally published here.
Dr. Laura Markham is the founder of PeacefulParentHappyKids.com and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings and her latest book, the Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbook.
