Experiment: Your Child, Thriving, in 30 Days 

4. Whenever you start to get upset, Stop, Drop and Breathe. 

Stop whatever you’re doing. Drop your agenda, just until you’re calm. Take a few deep breaths.  Remind yourself that there’s no emergency. Sure, you could have your own tantrum and yell and scream. You’re perfectly justified. But consider that plant. Will yelling help? With your child, shouting sabotages all your attempts to build a good relationship. You don’t have to respond right this moment, except if safety is at stake. Wait until you calm down. No matter how old your child is, your message will be more effective when you’re calm. 

5. If you’re setting a limit, offer understanding: 

“That looks like you’re having so much fun! Even so, it’s time to start getting ready for bed. Where shall we put this so you can work on it again tomorrow?” Notice that you can still set limits, and you should. Yes, even when you see your child’s perspective, which is that they are upset about your limit! The difference here is that you acknowledge their upset, even while you hold your limit. You don’t get defensive, and you don’t back down. You just let them know you understand. It’s amazing what a difference that makes. 

Wait until you calm down. No matter how old your child is, your message will be more effective when you’re calm. 

6. Focus on the positive. 

Kids respond to our energy, so be passionate with your YES! to everything you want to see more of from your child. Every time you appreciate your child, every time you love something about him, you’re giving him the clear message: More of this, please. He will grow accordingly. 

That’s the experiment. You don’t have to do it perfectly. Just keep increasing the ratio of moments when you see things from your child’s perspective. Expect to have some bad days. Forgive yourself and try again. 

Remember, as James A. Michener said, “Character consists of what you do on the third and fourth tries.”  

Give this experiment a try for 30 days. You’ll be amazed by the miracle you make. 


Originally published here

Dr. Laura Markham is the founder of AhaParenting.com and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings and her latest book, the Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbook

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