Guilt, gratitude and the power of wanting more

By Jennifer Robertson

As women, guilt is something that we deal with daily.

Mom guilt is THE WORST. 

But what about second-time infertility? 

When you already have one child and are struggling to provide them with a sibling and complete your family. 

It’s not something that is widely discussed because we feel guilty complaining about it. Surely wanting another child when we already have one makes us selfish, doesn’t it?

And because of that, we usually travel this path alone.

Our feelings of loss and emptiness are dismissed by others because we already have a child. 

We’re told we should be grateful for what we have. 

Support groups are focussed on those that don’t have children, and we feel guilty for complaining within them. 

We aren’t heard. We’re told to be satisfied. We’re not taken seriously.

We hear stories of others who can’t conceive at all. We may have even struggled the first time around too. And because we know the joy that comes from being a mum, our heart breaks for them, and we push our desires down the priority list.

It’s this combination of heartbreak and guilt which often leads to us giving up long before we should.

Yes – there will always be someone worse off or better off than you. We are all on different paths and are given different challenges to learn from.

But that doesn’t mean what you want should be dismissed.

What I’ve come to realise is that the rules around wanting “more” change when you start talking about fertility.

If it was a promotion we were applying for at work, we’d be encouraged to reach for the stars, work our way up the ladder, and strive for more.

But adding to our family? 

Be thankful for what you have.

If you feel like I’ve reached inside you and spoken your truth, I have something very important to tell you, and I want you to pay very close attention.

You can be grateful and want more at the same time.

Wanting more does not make you selfish or ungrateful.

How do I know all of this? I’ve lived with my fair share of guilt, anger, and heartbreak.

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