Our Role is Not to Talk Our Children out of Their Feelings

We are not failing when our children cry. It means they are processing the boundaries, feeling comfortable expressing their unfiltered emotions in front of us. It is about a relationship of trust, not a label or a behaviour that simplify emotions. 

Instead of making them stop, the most important message our children should get from us is that we want to hear what they have to say. That their feelings are valid, as well as ours. Authentically.   

We pause. We self-observe.  

A daily exhaustive practice. 

Deep breaths, and we are back. Back to the moment. 

“I see you are upset, and I also feel this way when something makes me uncomfortable” 

Self-observation. Which is something I did not learn as early as I wish but has been more and more necessary as I sail the strong waves of motherhood. 

What was I doing? What was my child communicating to me? 

I realised that my role is to model self-observation, but in order to do that, I know I must practise it myself… fail and try again. 

Getting to know ourselves cannot be postponed. 


Mariana Castaman 

Mariana Castaman is a mum to two little ones, an Early Childhood Educator who specialises in Infants and Toddlers, and currently working on a Psychology degree. She is a Certified Sleep and Wellbeing specialist, Breastfeeding Educator, and a forever student of Dr. Emmi Pikler’s pedagogy and Magda Gerber’s Educaring Approach. You can find out more on her website www.responsiveparentsproject.com. You can also join her communities on Facebook and Instagram.

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