What is important too is finding time for myself, whether it be doing my daily meditation, going for a run or a walk with a friend/s a few times a week, to the gym, to yoga, catching up with friends for a cocktail, reading a book, watching the odd medical drama on Netflix, listening to a good podcast, practising gratitude or having a lovely relaxing bath. It took me years to see the value of self-care and now I ensure all my mums know how vital it is. I always viewed it as being selfish, as this is how it was modelled to me, because you were putting yourself ahead of your children, but my daughter’s specialist made me see how critically important it actually is – and even more so during times of crisis or heightened stress. He told me that “A great mother is one who looks after herself first – her mind, her body and her emotions so that she can be the best mother that she wants to be to her children.” It’s really important that we don’t lose who we are as individuals just because we are a mother. So though I was a little late to the party, I ensure I practise self-care every day so that I stay well balanced and in my happy place!
The drive: What challenges have you overcome?
The biggest challenge that I have personally had to overcome was when I was diagnosed with PTSD following a severe episode of my daughter’s illness. I was with her for the whole time while she was in Starship and I nursed her 24/7 when she returned home. Her pain was unbearable for me to watch. I was unable to sleep or eat and felt like I was imploding inside, whilst putting on a brave face, which gave everyone the impression that I was doing okay. I had always been an independent and capable person so though friends and family questioned how I was managing, I did well hiding it until one day, as my daughter was finally heading towards remission, I fell over, spectacularly so! It was an incredibly tough time in my life as I had to learn to turn my stress response off as I was in a constant state of alert. I desperately needed sleep and to find some peace/calm again. Though this journey was brutal and I would never want to go through something like that again, I learned so many valuable lessons that I will take with me throughout the rest of my life and that many mums can also learn from:
- That’s it’s okay to ask for help – people who care about you want to help you;
- How important self-care is;
- That at times when a lot is being asked of you, it’s important to take a physical and emotional break from the overwhelming responsibility;
- Eating something, even if you have completely lost your appetite due to feeling so stressed;
- Resting and making sleep a priority – adrenalin can only take you so far and sleep deprivation is pure torture;
- Giving yourself the right to have ‘a moment’ and scream and shout about how horrible and unfair the situation is, instead of playing it down;
- Being Real: To take your mask off every now again and tell those who you trust and are closest to how you are really coping or feeling inside, rather than holding it all in;
- To take journeys like this and use them to relook at what is really important in life. For me, it was to be authentic to who I am with everything that I do and to try to focus on the simple things in life.
For better or worse: What are the pros and cons of running your own business?
Setting up a new business is hard work – much harder than I ever gave it credit for. There is a lot to do to get a business off the ground and to get it out there so that people know about you and the services that you offer. But once you have done the hard grind, all that hard work starts to pay off. That’s why it is so important that you are doing something that you are passionate about or enjoy doing. I was also fortunate to have time and no financial pressure as we did not rely upon my income at all as a family. So Baby Bliss was able to unfurl in its own time and space. I am incredibly grateful for this as I know most business startups do not have the privilege of this.
The biggest pro for running my own business is the control and flexibility that it gives me. I define my own principles and philosophy so I have complete control over how I choose to support mums. I am able to provide them with support at differing levels of affordability so that every mum is able to access my advice, support and care in a way that is right for them, whether it be via a private 1:1 session in their home or whether they choose to attend my ‘Mothers Support Clinic’ or workshops that I run in my own home. I also facilitate the Antenatal Breastfeeding Session for our local Parent Centre as well as the Birth Experience and Feeding Sessions in their Baby and You Course. I have really enjoyed playing a small part in this not-for-profit organisation who do a fabulous job at supporting and preparing parents for birthing and parenting.
My success is not defined by how much money I make. For me it is the huge feeling of satisfaction that I get every time that I support or advise mums. Seeing them build in confidence with managing their baby’s feeding and cares and empowering them to trust in their own instincts as a mum. I watch as each and every single mum that I have worked with over the years flowers into this beautiful strong woman and mother as they grow in confidence. I see their anxieties or worries melt away and their smiles and joy in being a mother return. We are always going to face challenges as mums, whether we have babies or teenagers – it’s about getting the right information and support to help guide you through those stages so that you can enjoy your experience.
I have already talked about how flexibility was a huge factor in starting Baby Bliss but it has also given me the ability to give back. I volunteer for the Ronald McDonald House Charities (RMHC) in the Family Room that is in Starship Children’s Hospital in Auckland. I support families who are going through really stressful and challenging times in their lives as they support their unwell baby/child. It is a huge honour and privilege for me to have this role and though it is desperately sad sometimes and emotionally demanding, I know how important this role is for these families in their time of crisis.
Hopes and dreams: What next?
I would love for there to be more support in the community for our new mums and to be a part of creating a focused centre for parents, where they can come for support or for more knowledge or advice around their baby’s feeding, settling or sleeping. The wider family support structures just do not exist like they once did and with the ridiculously limited time that mums are able to spend in a post-natal unit after they have had their babies, they do not receive the time or the support that they deserve while they are learning how to be a mother and how to care for this precious little baby who is so dependent upon them. Before they know it, they are back home and doing it on their own. So therefore, it’s not surprising that our breastfeeding rates are not where we would like them to be and that our maternal mental health rates are on the rise. Mums are simply not given the support that they deserve while they build their confidence with their baby’s feeding, let alone if they are facing challenges with it. So many mums feel isolated and alone as they journey through those early stages of motherhood and this of course makes any challenge/s that they face even harder.
We all know how important that first year in a baby’s life is so I struggle to understand why we as a society choose not to value this. Mums deserve better and I would love to be a part of this change.
Head over the the Baby Bliss website to find out more and the amazing services and products on offer. You can also join their supportive communities on Facebook and Instagram.
