Weight lifted off my shoulders, trust grown in my child, plus a strengthened bond between my child and that parent. Multiple wins!
Not all parents are open to letting other parents guide their children. I’ve had my heart gently broken by a close friend who didn’t want me to connect with her child when the connection was “corrective.” She only seemed to welcome me when I was coming from sweetness, affirming her child’s strengths - not when I saw something unloving in her child and wanted to offer guidance.
It hurt. It felt like I got cut off, not being allowed to fully express myself in friendship with her child. It felt like I wasn’t trusted, or that she was scared.
Some parents want a lot of help from others. Some want none. What I am suggesting is that we open ourselves to welcoming help. Parenting can be exhausting and it doesn’t need to be so bad, when we can allow support from those willing to offer it.
If someone guides your child in a way that doesn’t feel trustworthy or aligned with you, step away from that person’s guidance or ask if they’re willing to hear input about your values and ways.
This dynamic of giving and receiving parental guidance to other people’s children is never 100% free of messes - life is messy.
Talking with your child about the varied guidance they receive can be a great learning experience too. “Uncle Adam uses fear to try to teach you things. Does that work well for you?” for example. Or, “You feel supported by Grandpa, don’t you?”
High five to you for opening yourself to receive more support and to let your child grow in his/her sense of living in village.
I sure appreciate it, every time one of my friends leans in to guide my child. It’s like a relief tattoo on my forehead! Except, it doesn’t hurt. (Thanks, friends.)
Originally published here.
Jessica Rios, Founder of Leaning into Light, is a mother, coach, lifelong letter writer, and eternal fan of Mr. (Fred) Rogers. This deeply personal blog and free recorded conversations are devoted to one of her greatest passions: illuminating the beauty of the human spirit.
