What if you could re-define “good” baby sleep from the first list, to more of the second list above?
In the week of my Baby-Led Sleep and Wellbeing Specialist certification where we learnt from Professor James Mckenna, I will always remember the slide where he showed a basic illustrated graphic of a mum holding her baby at the pediatrician’s office and describes that the advice that is given by the doctor is determined by the education and exposure that doctor has (and that unfortunately MOST health professionals, including pediatric doctors, have ZERO training in biologically normal infant sleep and feeding).
He then tells a hypothetical (but all too true) story where the mum in the illustration goes to this doctor and says “My baby isn’t sleeping through the night even though he’s 4-5 months old and he cries when I’m not right there with him”. A doctor who is only measuring the child by the socially-based and overly-structured charts of development will tell the mum that their baby is sleeping badly and not adhering to the charts. On the other hand, a doctor with any training on an evolutionary perspective and updates their knowledge with evidence-based research will say to that mum “Are you kidding, that’s amazing! I’m glad they’re still waking up at night because that’s what they should be doing!”.
I want to tell you that it is likely your baby is sleeping exactly how they need to – that they are a good sleeper. All babies are inherently good.
A more realistic idea of good baby sleep is needed in our social narratives so that parents don’t feel like there is something wrong with their baby and so that they don’t feel like they’re failing as a parent.
Mindset is everything and in the parenting gig, realistic expectations is incredibly important. The best part about this? It’s relatively easy to change our mindset and expectations! And it all starts with a conversation – by reading this article and questioning your own perceptions, then talking to other parents about what baby sleep really looks like – approaching it with curiosity and without judgement. Every baby is different, but all babies are good.
I want to tell you that it is likely your baby is sleeping exactly how they need to – that they are a good sleeper. All babies are inherently good.
Good baby sleep is a baby getting the sleep that they need and being supported in the way that works for them and their caregiver
Sarah is your Baby Sleep Tour Guide – supporting you to understand biologically normal infant sleep, with an attachment focus, so that you can optimise sleep and accept your little one’s normal patterns & needs. She is passionate about challenging the mainstream narratives of baby & toddler sleep, and of motherhood – empowering mums to make choices aligned with their values of responsive gentle parenting, but without the self-sacrifice. Sarah is an Aussie mum and offers private sleep consults as well as a small group motherhood support program – you can find her on Instagram @blossomandsnooze and her website www.blossomandsnooze.com.
