Roughhousing: The Rules of the Game

Ethical: upholding behavioral principles; moral.

Moral development in animals correlates with play-behavior, especially physical play. Parents and older siblings model the kindness and restraint of someone stronger holding back when they let someone smaller win sometimes. This behavior builds confidence in younger players and demonstrates a priority on the bonding/teaching opportunity over winning. People who understand that winning is not the be-all and end-all, are less easily swayed to take reckless, unethical risks for the illusion of power that is winning. They are free to feel less terrified of loss and failure. And because children have more control over imaginary worlds when the images aren’t provided for them – as they are in television or video games – a game of physical conflict (literally, iteratively, and together), lets children adjust the “plot” as they play and challenges them to come up with their own (ethical) solutions to problems as they arise.

Physically fit: able to function effectively and efficiently in work and leisure activities; healthy.

Simply put, “free form” physical scenarios offer a well-rounded practice of complex motor skills, coordination, concentration, strength, and flexibility. And if roughhousing is done correctly, your heart rate will elevate, and you will break a sweat.

Play is a human quest for and expression of joy.

Joyful: feeling, expressing, or causing great pleasure and happiness; cheerful; exuberant; radiant.

Play is a human quest for and expression of joy. We bond over it, we distract ourselves from worry with it, we share delight and humor through it. And every side effect of physical play listed here leads to more joyful living: wit, compassion, likability, ethical groundedness, and physical fitness.

So, should we pass over educational programming, participation trophies, and standardized tests in favor of good old fashioned (and not-so-frivolous-after-all) rough-and-tumble play? Well, at least some of the time, yes!

To My Children: With a wistful burden on my heart, I reluctantly accept that one day wrestling your mum will lose some of its gleaming awesomeness. I have faith, however, that you will find willing and worthy opponents as you grow and that you will find a breadth of rich relationships in which to cultivate your intelligence, your kindness, your congeniality, your principles, and your joy. Meanwhile, “Ready, set… 3-2-1…Hut! Sumo!”


Nelle Myrica Donaldson is a writer living Berkeley, CA with her husband and three children. Her academic interests and expertise are in biology, psychology and anthropology, and she enjoys writing about the human experience through the lenses of parenting, science, and speculative fiction. www.nelledonaldson.com

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