Being a mum to three boys brought a whole new level of love into Amanda Jackson’s life, but it also came with feelings of exhaustion and overwhelm. Through journalling and research, she began to better understand her experiences and discovered the concept of matrescence – the physical, emotional, psychological and social transition into motherhood. This led her to establish Motherhood and Matrescence, a business dedicated to helping mums understand their experiences, challenge unrealistic expectations and recognise the importance of their own wellbeing. Through her book, masterclasses and workshops, Amanda provides mothers with information, support and opportunities to connect and share their stories. Here, she talks to The Natural Parent Magazine about the inspiration behind her work, balancing business and family life, the pressures mothers face, and her hopes and dreams for the future.
The passion: What inspired you to set up your business?
Strangely, it started with journalling. As a mother of three, I regularly felt exhausted, that I was always “on”, and there were days that felt like I was kind of invisible – as though I existed for everyone but myself. I needed somewhere to put all those feelings and to try and make sense of them. Being a mother to three gorgeous boys also unearthed a new level of love in me. It was as if I had this new way of understanding the world, and the simplest of things held such beauty and magic. Trying to make sense of how this magnificence and the pressure I felt could sit side by side, I immersed myself in textbooks and academic literature. It was through this literature that I started to find language and research that articulated all the changes that were happening around me and within me since becoming a mother.
The launch: How did you start out in the beginning?
The journalling and the deep desire to learn more became advocacy – almost by accident. I originally set out to create a set of quote cards for mothers. A colleague laughed and said, “Mandy, that’s not a card set, that’s a book.” And that’s how my business and book, Motherhood and Matrescence, was born. From there came the Masterclass for Mums and other workshops like the Anatomy of Anger, Maternal Legacy and Overwhelm to Organised. Each of these offerings became a way of giving mothers language, research and a space to share experiences they’d been silently carrying alone.
The innovation: What was the biggest breakthrough for you with your business?
The best part of my work is sharing this matricentric language with others. There’s nothing quite like working with a group or network of women and watching the shift happen in real time – seeing them realise they’re not alone and that what they thought was a personal failing is actually a systemic issue. Being part of that moment and hearing the stories of women is a genuine privilege.
Yin and Yang: How do you balance work and family?
Balance, integration, the juggle – it’s challenging. There is lots we could talk about here, but what I will say is that a lot of mums feel guilty for prioritising their own needs, dreams and hopes. It’s already tricky because the workday is longer than the school day, and mums face entrenched gendered expectations to put themselves last. I used to be very self-sacrificing, without even realising it. Now I try to maintain two practices in my life. Firstly, I listen to my body and respond to what it needs, even in short bursts. It sounds easy, but it takes practice. Secondly, I try to model for my kids what a whole life looks like. By that, I mean showing up for them, loving them and supporting them, but also showing them that it’s healthy for each of us to take time for our own passions. I really want them to know that looking after their own wellbeing isn’t selfish; it’s probably the greatest gift we can give ourselves and our kids.
The drive: What challenges have you overcome?
Getting here hasn’t been easy or straightforward. In fact, there were many years when I wondered if I’d feel passionate about work and if it would feel aligned. For me, raising a child with a disability has been one of the most profound experiences of my life – and building a business at the same time means constantly asking myself what I want to achieve, what my family needs and what capacity I actually have. What I can tell you from working with mothers is that every mother has her own unique challenges, but within those challenges are similar themes. Underneath most of them is the same question so many mothers ask themselves: Have I done enough?
What’s one thing you wish every mother knew?
One thing I wish every mother knew about is the “good” mother – this mythical mother who sets the gold standard of mothering. She never complains. She enjoys this work, and it comes naturally to her. She is always well-presented, her house is immaculately organised and it runs efficiently. She buys locally and makes green choices. She is always available, kind and patient with her children. Sound familiar? We all know the “good” mother, even though she doesn’t exist! So much of what mothers carry is invisible. It gets written off as “just tired” or “just hormonal”, but really, there is so much more going on for mothers that needs to be understood more broadly. Having language to name the pressures – and to understand the transition – means mothers can seek support where they need it and give themselves permission to make the most of what they’re going through. In doing so, the things we say to ourselves change and become kinder.
Hopes and dreams: What next?
My hope is that matrescence becomes widely understood – that it’s spoken about in prenatal and postnatal check-ups, around kitchen tables, in workplaces and in healthcare settings. Importantly, I hope we continue to question the mythical “good” mother and start reimagining what being a mother can mean beyond the unrealistic expectations that make the transition so much harder than it needs to be.
I want mothers to know they are enough, that they are doing enough and that they are worthy of their own time and energy. There is no gold standard to reach. There is only her own unfolding story.
Visit the Motherhood and Matrescence website to find out more, and follow them on Facebook and Instagram.
