What about me?

Photography:Victoire Moulene Photography

By Belinda Haan

What about me? It isn’t fair…

Oh, these babies are so cute. Of course everyone wants cuddles, wants to know how they are doing. ⠀ 

But what about me?!⠀ 

I hear this a lot. I remember it very clearly myself.  ⠀ 

When we become a mother, one of the biggest adjustments can be the loss of self.  We can have cracked and bleeding nipples, be physically recovering from birth, have no sleep and yet, we can’t just check out and stay in bed.

We can be miserable with a cold but we have to soldier on. We have to put one foot in front of the other and take care of our babies. ⠀ 

Yes, this is an honour. And, can we also recognise the challenges in this? Can we recognise that if we are not ‘enjoying every moment’ that this is normal? That sometimes this feels hard. And unfair. And we want it to be about us. We want someone to ask how we are. We want someone to come and care for us.⠀ 

This is all normal. And it feels hard at times. The personal, silent suffering can feel painful and unending.⠀ 

Can we allow the moments of suffering? Can we share how we feel with others? Can we breathe in our suffering and the suffering of all mothers and exhale love, care and relief to ourselves and all mothers that may also feel this way?⠀ 

Can we remember that motherhood is full of joy and also suffering? And that it is in the suffering where we are building strength and resilience that shows us how much we can really tolerate and how capable we are? ⠀ 

If you are in the suffering today, you are not alone. You have an army of women beside you, ahead of you and behind you.

All the mothers who have selflessly and tirelessly put aside their needs for the needs of their babies. We see you. We feel you. And we can say that one day, it WILL be about you again. ⠀ 

Biggest love to all the mums in the trenches. If you can’t care for yourself, at least bring tenderness to yourself for the stage you are in.


Belinda Haan is a writer, advocate, and facilitator focused on re-writing the motherhood experience. She uniquely blends the best of psychology and heart to support women in their transition into motherhood. She is the founder of The Motherhood Gathering, which provides a loving container for women as they navigate the joy and full catastrophe of early motherhood. You can follow Belinda on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn.

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