By Dr. Laura Markham
“There’s nothing tiny or insignificant. Everything is significant… Whether you are looking at world events or something that’s happening in your kitchen, there’s potential for connection or disconnection in either case. And it is really only the connection or the disconnection that is of any importance.” — Abraham Hicks
How’s your week going? Have you had a moment of connection with your child that made your heart melt?
You need that kind of moment every day, to be happy as a parent.
When kids are convinced they’re lovable, they’re more likely to act lovable.
Why? Because parenting is hard, and those moments of love are what keep us going. That connection is what reminds us that our child is a young human doing the best she can, even when we wish she’d act differently. And since we have the privilege of seeing our kids at their worst, that connection renews our faith so we can keep seeing our child’s best potential, even when they can’t.
Our kids need those moments too, to trust us. That’s when our love really sinks into their souls. When kids are convinced they’re lovable, they’re more likely to act lovable. When they’re not, they “act out.” We think of “acting out” as behaving badly, but it just means that someone has feelings they don’t know how to express, so they act those feelings out.
What if you could create that deep loving connection as your (almost) constant way of being with your child? It would be like giving yourself a magic wand. There would be no more yelling in your home. Some heart-felt tears, maybe. Lots of hugging, smiling, laughing, fun.
It helps if you can see things from your child’s perspective instead of getting stuck in yours. There’s always more than one way to interpret a situation.
1. Imagine yourself connecting to your child, feeling deep love, right now.
Maybe it’s that good morning snuggle with him. Or you’re twirling her around, both of you laughing. Hold that picture for a full 60 seconds. Watch it like a movie. How are you feeling and acting? How is your child responding? Let that heart-melting, connected feeling soak in. You’re programming your subconscious, so you can create more of these moments in your life.
2. As you go through your day today, notice each time you start to get irritated at your child.
Show yourself that warm picture and feel that feeling again. (Yes, before you correct your child.) Sounds hard? Keep practising. It gets easier. It helps if you can see things from your child’s perspective instead of getting stuck in yours. There’s always more than one way to interpret a situation.