It saddens me because I honestly can’t bear the thought of someone else raising you. And truthfully, it is hard for me to accept that someone else will be your Mom. She will feel you grow in her womb and share in your first moments. She will be the one to hold you when you are sad, help you when you are sick, keep you safe when you are scared. She will be the one you depend on, the one you cry for, the one you make all your memories with. She will love you with a special kind of love a Mother has for her child. She will know you. She will watch you take your first steps, hear your first words. She will be the one to watch you grow up, graduate from school, and one day get married and have children of your own. I can feel the jealousy in my heart just thinking about her sharing those moments with you. I grieve not knowing you like she will know you. I grieve not being able to look deep into those beautiful eyes of yours and tell you how much I love you. I grieve giving you to her. You won’t be mine anymore.
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However, the truth is, as much as I call you mine, or even one day hers, you are God’s perfectly made little snowflakes. And I have to trust in what God told me in the very beginning: “You are hope, hope for many.” Deep in my heart I know that your Mama will love you like I love you. And even though it is hard for me to fully comprehend that right now, I know, one day, He will prepare my heart for her to be your Mom, but I will always be connected to you. I will be apart of you. I will always be loving you.
Sincerely,
Your first Mom.
You can find more from Desiree Fortin on Instagram, Facebook and at her Website.
