Step 3: Self love and self care involve loving your imperfections and doing so out loud. Show your kids that it’s OK to not be perfect and to make mistakes. Forgive yourself and be kind to yourself. Don’t be so hard on yourself and such a perfectionist, as this is what you are teaching your kids to be. Instead of paying attention to your perceived flaws, pay attention to your strengths and assets, and highlight them and be proud of them. Teach the same to your kids. Even supermodels hate parts of themselves, no one is perfect! If you catch yourself berating yourself or your appearance, correct yourself as you would correct your child. Tell that mind of yours to take a hike!
You need to embrace your mistakes and imperfections, they are gifts. If you don’t, your child will not only mirror them back to you, but how do you expect them to embrace their own imperfections? Lead by example or you will be perceived as a fraud by your kids. Start by practicing this simple technique called “Mirror Work” as taught by Louise Hay (see here for instructions) and change the way you talk to yourself (more here). What you keep affirming becomes your reality. So make sure you affirm good thoughts in your life.
Step 4: Develop a gratitude practice. Once a day, at least, reflect on what you are grateful for (you can even write it in a beautiful journal).
It is especially important to do this on difficult days as it will put things in perspective. Psychology research has shown the positive impact of keeping a gratitude journal (e.g, better sleep, better mood, fewer illness, more happiness – read more articles on the impact of gratitude). Read some tips on keeping a gratitude journal. Do this gratitude quiz to see how grateful you are :-), it will give you a great baseline measure. It is well known, that an attitude of gratitude leads to greater life satisfaction.
Step 5: If you have unhealed wounds, invest in a good therapist. YOU are worth it. As you heal your wounds, and take care of yourself, naturally your child will benefit. You will then parent more consciously and thus be more present emotionally to you child’s actual needs, and you won’t project your own issues on him or her.
“When mama’s happy, everyone is happy.” This saying bares so much truth. Take the time to pamper yourself, it’s well worth it.
Action Step: To practice self care and self love requires a bit of introspection. Start by deciding what you value in life and what brings you joy, carefully ponder on this. It may take a few days. Look at your schedule and see how, on a daily and weekly basis, you can make time for yourself. Develop those rituals that show how much you love yourself by working through the 5 steps mentioned above and start seeing positive changes in your life and your family’s life. Keep me posted below!
Dr. Gina Madrigrano is a Clinical Psychologist, Author and Speaker. She is committed to helping parents, foster an influential and positive relationship with their children. She has over 30 publications that include book chapters; peer-reviewed articles, national and international keynotes. She is currently working on a book on Children’s Self-Esteem. Dr. Gina homeschools her beautiful daughter. Find her at drmadrigrano.com where you can get a free ebook on the Multiple Benefits of Giving Kids Chores. She is also on Twitter and on Facebook ( Page and Group).
