Help your child verbally label emotions
Children learn to verbally communicate how they feel through their conversation with others and by watching how you communicate your own emotions. I often say to parents that children learn about their emotions from the outside in. When you become aware of your child’s emotions through their non-verbal and verbal communication, you can help them to label the emotions they might be experiencing. Let’s say your child is about to leave for a friend’s birthday party when they start to fidget, complain of a tummy ache, and say they don’t want to go. You might reflect, “Darling, you seem anxious. Are you feeling nervous about the party today?”. By helping children to label their emotions, you not only help them to make sense of their internal experience, but you also help them build their emotional literacy and their ability to communicate their emotions to others. These skills are essential for highly sensitive kids to thrive as highly sensitive adults.
Set limits when necessary while helping your child to problem-solve
There are times when we all need to set limits with our kids. It’s important to move through steps 1-4 before setting limits when possible. For example, if your child becomes aggressive towards their sibling, it is helpful to listen to how they feel and validate their experience before setting limits around aggression. That might sound like, “You felt really angry with your sister because she walked all over your train set and messed it up. You spent a long time building that. I get it and I’m sorry that happened. It’s not OK to push your sister when you’re angry, but let’s think about other things you can do when you feel angry”.
By helping children to label their emotions, you not only help them to make sense of their internal experience, but you also help them build their emotional literacy and their ability to communicate their emotions to others.
Sometimes when children are upset or bothered by something, they simply need us to hear them, understand them, and empathise with their experience. Often that will help them feel calmer and settled and there is no need to solve the problem. Other times, children may need help to solve the problem. As with limit-setting, problem-solving should occur only after your child feels that you have really listened to them and understood how they feel.
Parenting a highly sensitive child also requires advocacy and empathy. It is essential for parents to advocate for their child’s needs in school, social settings, and other environments. Educating teachers, family members, and friends about their child’s sensitivity can create understanding and support. Additionally, it is important that parents model empathy towards their child, teaching them to embrace their sensitivity as a strength rather than a weakness.
Learn more about helping kids handle big emotions with Emotion Coaching. Also, read Dr. John Gottman’s “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child.”
Lisa is a family therapist and coach who has a special interest in parent-child relationships and attachment and the trait of high sensitivity. Lisa runs her own practice from Wanaka and provides online therapy to parents, teens and families. Visit her website to find out more about the services she offers. You can also connect with her on Instagram and LinkedIn.
