The Solution – Tell them the truth. I have found that being completely honest about my out-of-control binge-drinking habit was the only way to convince others that I needed to stop and it was the right decision. I always have a few lines on hand that help the awkward pass.
‘Drinking makes me mentally unwell’
‘I got fed up with being hungover’
‘I’ve done drinking it was time to try something new’
And my new favourite,
‘It’s none of your fucking business!’
Because really, your choices are your own. What friends or family think about you not drinking is irrelevant. Getting to a point in sobriety where you can be self-assured about quitting booze is an amazing place to be. Leaving the opinions of others at the front door like a soggy umbrella means you are able to step out and be the person you truly are. Sober and proud. This can take some time and some difficult interactions, but once people get used to the idea, I find, they too become curious about living an alcohol-free life. Just remember, you’re doing what is right for you and that’s all that matters.
4. The Problem – Sober One Liners
When I’m being sociable, I feel my body freeze up when someone makes a booze related quip. I will be standing in a group of friends when someone will drop a booze bomb,
‘God, I sweated out vodka at the gym last night’
‘Anyone fancy going on that wine tour?’
‘We got wasted, those cocktails were going down so well’
‘I need wine’
‘Who’s coming for sundowners?’
‘Boozy lunch anyone?’
‘I’d die for a beer or ten right now’
I literally feel my shoulders hunch up when I hear booze referred to as a fun way to relax because for me, it had become so out of control.
By the time I decided to seek help, I was very uncomfortable around alcohol, very unsure about it all.
That hasn’t changed.
I do feel tongue-tied when people are talking about it in a positive way. I awkwardly laugh off the comments, but each one is like a little pinch that makes me feel like I’m missing out or becoming an outsider.
The Solution – I have to remember that not everyone has a problem with alcohol like I did. Some people can stop. Some people have a relationship with alcohol that is manageable. They would be able to go on a wine tour and sit on a high stool and been civilised as they sipped on, and spat out wines. That was not me. I would have had my mouth to the keg sucking out the dregs and sucking any spills out from the smart white tablecloths. That’s the difference. Normal drinking versus abnormal drinking.
I have to let the quips and comments go.
I have to take in a large inhale of breath and remember that not everyone is like me and that’s ok. Sobriety is an individual path, and even though my heart might fill with dread when someone makes light of this addiction, it’s not the end of the world. The awkwardness will pass (although, I might give the sweating vodka guy the number of a therapist I know!).
Being sober means we are choosing something that others might not fully understand. It means we bring up feelings in others that are out of our control.
Our sobriety can force others to question their relationship with alcohol and they may not be ready for it.
It’s difficult. We don’t want our choice to make people awkward, yet it does.
What I’m learning with each unsure conversation and social interaction is that the more I do them, the more I feel at one with the awkwardness.
I start off nights out with a clenched jaw and a fake smile and normally end them feeling like I’ve achieved something massive. It really is a matter of ‘practice makes perfect’ and once everyone sees how much happier you are and how capable you are of socialising without your old buddy booze, then the haters tend to back down.
You can’t argue with someone making a healthy choice.
And if someone can’t handle your newfound lifestyle choice? Well, instead of being angry or upset or trying desperately to explain your reasons why, just remember that they are on their own journey too. People will never understand something until it happens to them.
So.. don’t stay home for too long and hide your sobriety away, go out, be proud and live. Enjoy the stuff you did when drinking: dance, laugh and do karaoke.
And if it feels awkward?
Do it again, and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.
And after a while the awkward will fade and all that’s leftover is imperfectly perfect, sober you.
x
Originally published here.
Victoria lives on The Sunshine Coast on the East Coast of Australia. She has three uncontrollable children, a very patient husband and a dog. She’s been sober for 2 years and writes about her zig zaggy journey in her blog –www.drunkmummysobermummy.com. Victoria is currently writing a book about parenting, alcohol and life as a sober mum.
You can follow her (in a non-stalky way) on Instagram and Facebook.
