For a long time I felt lonely in this crazy mind of mine. As a teen, I remember thinking how much worse it would probably get. Surely, I would go totally and utterly mad when I had kids. But you know what, it’s quite the opposite! I have three more wonderful reasons to fight it. To fight my mind with my own mind. It’s like a superpower. A very well hidden superpower. The negative fearful thoughts are instantly attacked by the positive ones that I generate from being a mother. All I must do is look at them. I see happy, kind playful souls. They remind me of what life is all about and what life can ultimately be. I choose not to waste mine by succumbing to the stress of anxiety.
All I must do is look at them. I see happy, kind playful souls. They remind me of what life is all about and what life can ultimately be.
I do things for ME, for my mind. This next part is going to sound very ‘hippy’ but ‘hippy’ works damn well for me! What I do is…. I STOP. I stop being an employee, I stop being a ‘housewife’. I even stop being a mother. I stop being anything other than just a human being. Not for long – an hour, two hours, or maybe for a day. My children have a wonderful father who is more than capable of being both of us for this short time. Nothing else matters. They are safe and well; I can let go of all responsibilities other than the responsibility to look after myself.
Sometimes I just sleep; my mind can completely relax knowing that nothing needs my attention. A movie maybe. One that is uplifting, a comedy or a true-life story that inspires me to be better and grateful for the life I have. A good book is always a winner. An easy-to-read, get-lost-in-the-words type of book. Heaven.
The time refreshes me and boosts my super powers back to working levels. The anxiety and other nutty OCD frustrations will never go away for me. I accept this, it is part of me.
But, I know how to live alongside it. I do what I do to both satisfy it and fight it simultaneously. I am no longer embarrassed by it or restricted by it. I encourage people to talk about their own crazy minds and to ask questions about my own. The beauty of being human is that we are all wired differently and maybe some of those connections are being managed well by some and not by others. So here is this piece. A piece about my wiring. If it finds its way out of my own little world, then I hope it brings some enlightenment to someone who may be in the process of discovering their own hidden superpowers.
Claire Neale is an honest writer who, up until 2017, kept her writing hidden away in journals and computer files. The journey of becoming a mother of three has inspired her to share her work, “an odd collection,” she affectionately calls it, in-between working on her first book. You can get to know Claire on Facebook.
