5. Invite cooperation through play
Once you make it a game, you eliminate the stand-off. Unless kids are upset or tired, they can’t resist an invitation to play. So get him giggling.
- Brush all over his body — his arm, his ear, his belly. ”Is this where I should brush?” (“No, Daddy, here!”)
- Challenge him to a teeth-brushing contest.
- Brush his teeth and comment on everything you find in there: “Is that spaghetti?…Hey, I think there’s treasure under there!”
- Make funny faces at him while he brushes.
6. Find a win/win solution
If you think outside the box — and you have time to be creative — you can always find a solution. Just your commitment to doing so will enlist your child in helping find one. “Hmm… you don’t want to brush… AND we need to keep those teeth clean so the sugar bugs don’t eat holes in them… What can we do to make this work for both of us?”
- “Want to brush Teddy’s teeth and then I’ll brush yours?”
- “Want to brush MY teeth at the same time that I brush yours?”
- “How about if I sing your favourite song to you while you brush?”
- “Maybe I should hold you up here so you can look in the mirror while we brush?”
- “Want me to read to you while you brush?” (This was the strategy that worked best with my daughter. As a teen, she still read to herself while she brushed… She had the cleanest teeth!)
If you stay calm, you can almost always find a win/win solution. Of course, what works this week will stop working next week, so finding new strategies will require creativity on your part. But as it becomes clear to your child that brushing is non-negotiable, there will be less resistance.
Does this sound like a lot of work? It is! We all wish our children would just do as we ask, without our having to dig deep for patience and creativity. Especially at the end of the day when we’re tired.
But we’re dealing with young human beings who don’t have fully developed prefrontal cortexes. They don’t yet understand why it’s important to brush, and they’re still in the very early stages of developing self-discipline. They develop that self-discipline neural wiring every time they CHOOSE to give up what they want (not brushing their teeth, in this case) for what they want more (a warm connection with us.)
When we force them, they aren’t making a choice, and they aren’t developing self-discipline. In fact, they’re developing resistance to our influence.
So yes, this is a lot of work. But it’s not only much more pleasant than holding your child down or punishing her, it’s better for your child’s development. This isn’t wasted time! It’s connection time, it strengthens your relationship, and it helps your child develop self-discipline. And instead of teaching her that might makes right, you’re teaching her some wonderful lessons:
- Mum and Dad care about what I want, and try to work with me instead of just using their power to force and threaten. That makes me want to cooperate with them.
- I’m not a bad person for not wanting to brush my teeth. My parents understand. But I still have to do it.
- People can have different perspectives and needs; if we think outside the box, we can always find a solution that works for everyone.
- I still don’t understand why brushing my teeth is such a big deal to my parents, but it’s not so bad. It’s even fun, because I get to feel close to my parents.
- I LOVE my parents. They’re awesome. So I even do things they want, just because they want me to.
What more could you ask?
Find the original article here.
Dr. Laura Markham is the founder of AhaParenting.com and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings and her latest book, the Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbook.
