The purpose of your unconscious mind is to protect you. If your file codes ‘kid spilling milk’ as a disaster because that was how you experienced similar situations as a child, your unconscious mind will protect you with thoughts about the ‘wrongness’ of a child spilling milk, which produces the emotion of anger.
Understanding this is the beginning of choosing a different reaction.
3. Learn to question your thoughts
Changing your mindset and ultimately your behaviour as a parent happens when you can recognise the thought patterns your mind uses to protect you and question them if they don’t serve you. An example from my life is that I used to experience anxiety when my children misbehaved in front of others.
This anxiety led me to be ineffective in dealing with the behaviour in a way that was kind and instructive to my children. Instead of modelling a more effective way to behave, I shamed and punished them.
Once I learned that this anxiety response was my unconscious mind’s way of protecting me, I found the space to question it. I learned to say to my unconscious, “Thank you for trying to protect me but is this thought serving me”? It wasn’t serving me to shame and punish my kids and, knowing this, I gradually found the space between the trigger and response, and was able to explore new thoughts and choices about the situation.
4. Choose the thoughts that serve you
The files contained in the giant cabinet of your mind can be refilled with new thoughts. Each time I choose a new thought in the situation of my kids misbehaving in front of someone else, for example, “What is the kindest thing I could do right now?”, this thought enters the file marked ‘parenting’. The more I practise these new thoughts and show my unconscious that it’s safe to think and act in new ways, the faster my parenting programs transform. I am no longer the reactive mother I once was because I consciously update my programs.
There is so much freedom to be found when you question the thoughts that create your mindset and choose new ones that serve you.
No matter who you are or what you have experienced in your life, it is possible to choose a mindset that will nurture peace and harmony for yourself and your children. You are doing such an important job x
Geordie Bull is a transformational coach and NLP practitioner who works with mothers who are ready to use the power of the mind to optimise their lives as parents, businesswomen and leaders. Connect with Geordie at www.geordiebull.com.au, on Instagram @geordiebullcoaching or on Facebook.
