No, my child doesn’t believe in Santa

One more thought: Even if believing in Santa added to your childhood, what about the rest of the year? Does that count for nothing in the grand scheme of how we look back at our younger years? I would certainly hope so. 

The issue of good and bad 

One of the reasons we struggled with Santa was the inherent behaviourist messages that children are bombarded with. Even though we would never put the “good or bad” label on our child with respect to getting something at Christmas, we knew that unless our daughter knew that it was false from the start, there was a good chance some of that would seep into her understanding and belief. When something that is supposed to be magical and about giving to others has shades of controlling children with threats, it’s just not something I feel the need to embrace. I do know lots of people that try to talk about how all kids are good and there’s no naughty list, but this can raise even more questions for kids that often leads down the path to understanding Santa is fiction. 

The issue of credit 

One of the other reasons we struggled was financial. We never have had a lot of money and what we do spend on our kids we would like them to know came from us, thank you very much. Knowing that we have provided what we can at the holidays is important and knowing that just because they don’t get the same things or as much as other kids (though more than many too) doesn’t mean there’s any difference in value between them and others. I remember the taunts in school that Santa must have liked some kids more than others. The heartbreak when a much-desired toy never came for some. Removing that altogether is something I feel good about. 

The issue of other kids 

One of the comments we often get is fear-based from other parents. They worry my daughter will “ruin” things for their kids. Folks, my child doesn’t believe in Santa. That doesn’t mean she’s a dick. Somehow we again don’t seem to worry about children of other religions ruining it (or do we?) and we seem to be fine when our kids believe something others don’t or vice versa when it’s not a giant fat man who breaks into your house at night. (Religion anyone?) 

When your child is raised not believing, it’s very easy to explain that some kids still believe so to let them keep going. In my experience as a child, it was when people figured it out that they suddenly had to share it with their friends. So it’s probably not the kids who never believed that you need to worry about, but the kids who did and then discovered the truth. 

*** 

All in all, there’s really nothing much different about our Christmas than many others. We don’t have a ton of gifts from a pretend person, but that’s okay. We do focus on doing good for others at this time because we know it’s up to us, not an imaginary man. And the thing is – lots of families who do believe do this as well. The point is not that we’re somehow better, but that all the dire statements simply don’t come to pass and should be ignored as the ridiculous items they are. Do what works for you and hopefully focus on the idea of joy and sharing. After all, that is the part that holds the most magic. 

Originally posted here.


Tracy Cassels, PhD is the Director of Evolutionary Parenting, a science-based, attachment-oriented resource for families on a variety of parenting issues. In addition to her online resources, she offers one-on-one support to families around the world and is regularly asked to speak on a variety of issues from sleep to tantrums at conferences and in the media. She lives in Prince Edward County, Ontario, Canada with her husband and two children.

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