The drive: What challenges have you overcome?
The biggest challenge I’ve overcome has to be learning how to keep my nervous system calm in order to respond to the children with curiosity. We actively don’t use blame, shame, guilt or fear to get our children to cooperate. We encourage independence, problem-solving skills and only step in if things become unsafe or someone asks for help. Praising the use of words, practising how to respond in different scenarios and living a slower-paced life, as I do believe a rushed person is an anxious person. Ultimately, we as adults should be in control of our responses and aware enough to step out when we are not.
This has required so much practice and I started by just naming my own feelings and how they show up in my body, not only to my children but to the other people in my life. “I can feel I am frustrated, my tummy feels all bubbly and I want to shout” – and from there, you can start naming what you need: “I’m going to take 3 deep breaths, clench my fists and slowly let them relax”.
If you need to step out to scream into a pillow, do it; it feels 10 times better than the guilt you feel for shouting at someone you love. And don’t worry if you’ve only realised you need to step away because you’ve shouted. That’s what repairing and reconnecting are all about. All our children need to know is that they are not to blame because you couldn’t stay regulated. They need to make mistakes, they need to push boundaries, and they will look at your reactions to learn how best to react. So when you come to them afterwards, take accountability for your mistake and say, “I’m sorry that I shouted, you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Next time I feel those angry bubbles coming up, I’m going to take a big breath and count to 10”. They learn that shouting wasn’t appropriate, they don’t deserve to be treated that way, and if I want to shout, there’s something else I can do about that.
For better or worse: What are the pros and cons of running your own business?
There is so much flexibility in running your own business. You can fit work in around your schedule, take time to be present with your family and not have to miss any events. But it can be all-consuming, and finding the balance is difficult. For myself, mothering is all I’ve ever known. Having my first child at 18, I can say with confidence that I can raise happy, healthy children… as for business though…! I’m having to learn how to be business-minded, learn how to charge people, learn about insurances and finances, policies and terms and conditions. It makes my brain explode and everything seems to be written in jargon I don’t understand – and throw into the mix that I’m dyslexic. I’m very grateful that my partner knows a thing or two about business!
Hopes and dreams: What next?
For me, I desperately need to catch up with my coursework (I have recently trained as a babywearing consultant).
For Mumfulness, launch my website!
For the local people, there’s a variety of in-person workshops, event days and gatherings that take a parent-focused approach to things like self-care and mindfulness practices.
For the rest of the world, there’s a variety of different packages and tool kits to help support the emotional well-being of our children and learn how to show up as a calm and regulated parent, by nurturing minds and embracing moments!
Credit: Photography by Fran Minifie Photography.
Visit the Mumfulness website to find out more and connect with Hannah on Facebook and Instagram.
