Teasing also has the potential to sow seeds for later acceptance of emotional abuse in other relationships. It can be a process of gaslighting when we tease others as we have a hidden meaning or veiled communication that we may deny if confronted. Children are like sponges, absorbing the world around them, looking to adults for guidance and safety. When teasing becomes a recurring pattern, it plants the seed that it is acceptable for someone they trust and depend on to belittle and invalidate them if it is veiled with humour. This erodes self-esteem and confidence, as well as distorts understanding of healthy relationships. The impact of words is minimised by the adult. It normalises emotional invalidation, teaching children that their emotions don’t matter and should be brushed aside. This means abuse will be less recognisable to those who have experienced this type of early life. They may tolerate insults, manipulation and other toxic dynamics, believing that it is normal or even deserved due to their formative years, teaching them that their pain was ‘fun’.
Adult teasing can also engender a cycle of self-deprecation within individuals. External behaviour leads to self-critical thoughts and beliefs. A life script is then formed where the child attracts others who continue with these damaging interactions as it is their norm. Scaffolding even further onto self-deprecation, adult teasing compromises healthy boundary setting for the child. They do not know when it is acceptable to say ‘no’. This leaves them vulnerable to manipulation and exploitation by romantic partners or friends due to their diminished sense of self-worth.
When teasing becomes a recurring pattern, it plants the seed that it is acceptable for someone they trust and depend on to belittle and invalidate them if it is veiled with humour.
Breaking free from the effects of adult teasing requires awareness, healing and re-learning healthy relationship dynamics. It begins with recognising the impact of past experiences and acknowledging the lasting consequences of teasing. In romantic attachments, it is crucial to recognise and address emotional abuse, even if it mirrors the teasing that was once considered normal. By doing so, individuals can break free from the cycle and build relationships based on respect, equality and emotional safety.
Teasing may seem insignificant, but its implications can be profound. By understanding the connection between adult teasing and the acceptance of emotional abuse in romantic attachments, we can strive to create a world where children are empowered, valued and equipped with the emotional tools to build healthy and fulfilling relationships where they feel safe and empowered. It is not about being perfect as parents but if we have said something that has hurt our children. it is about being accountable for this and respecting that boundary for the child in the future. In this way, we model to them a healthy way to be and work with the strength of implicit learning being the stronger pathway to integrating knowledge.
Dr Tracy King is a Clinical Psychologist, Jungian Life Coach and Yoga & Meditation Teacher practising holistically. She specialises in balancing all energy bodies for well-being: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Her focus is on empowering women in all the roles that they take in life. Find out more at: www.hummingbirdhealthandhealing.com
