In the quest to continue to discover each other, we owe it to one another to stay rapt with life: to stay interesting.
It also takes a certain amount of leisure and solitude to relate meaningfully to other people; to tune our brains to engage expressively with others. In the quest to continue to discover each other, we owe it to one another to stay rapt with life: to stay interesting. When the question, “What’s new?” is met with, “Uh, I don’t know… Work?” it’s a short conversation. I think the typical teenage response is a shrug or a glare accompanied by something like, “Nothing.” These answers beg, please leave my brain alone right now.
No one is immune to the occasional parsimonious mental state. We all encounter anxiety, stress, and exhaustion. I know, for instance, that when I’m worn-out and my amygdala is firing with Yosemite Sam vigor and randomness, I’m ineffective at both processing new information and recalling old information… I’ve been there a lot lately: I had a baby a few months ago.
In the best circumstances, though, we humans thrive in our creative minds, where we hypothesize outcomes, conceptualize art, daydream, and find meaning in our lives. Synonyms for leisure are given as “freedom”, “rest”, “relaxation”. Happy people, not harried people, have the energy, the presence of mind, and the inspiration to share ideas and humor, contemplation and reflection. This kind of sharing is intimate. It’s how we know each other outside of physical recognition and a track record of behaviors. It’s how leisure can help hold love to something deeper and richer than companionable loyalty.
To get there, we need to change the paradigm: aim to thrive; stop spreading ourselves so thin; and get some sleep. If we give ourselves those gifts, we could be brighter, love better, and feel more connected to life.
Too many of us presume that gobs of wealth or luck are required to embrace leisure. Greater resources may indeed provide broader opportunities for hobbies, vacations, and other non-work activities, yet leisure only requires basic security. Unfortunately, billions of people in the world live below the poverty line, and hundreds of millions live with food insecurity. Yet, if we were to value leisure as a health measure instead of a luxury, could more creativity be aimed at solving such global, societal problems?
On a smaller scale, I am trying to cultivate and exemplify a pace of life that allows adequate leisure – for the sake of my marriage, my children, and myself. The pursuit of opportunities for leisure and solitude can only increase the happiness of all three. L’Oreal doesn’t sell these (in fact, perhaps vanity is the evil mistress of leisure-solitude: an inversion of self-care?); still, why not prioritize so called “me time” because you’re worth it, and value it that much more because no one is selling it to you?
To My Children: May you always find the time to feel alive, to be in love, and to wax industrious of your own free will.
