By Sarah Noble
There are so many things I haven’t done in life because of fears, anxieties, ‘what if’s.
I let the fear, the unknown paralyse me.
Yet, I pushed through any fears, anxieties, ‘what if’s, and the great unknown of having kids.
This 1-2 kids thing is HARD.
Yes, I’m a lot more patient, aware, relaxed about my baby as I’ve been there before.
But, I’ve never had a baby and a toddler before.
My baby needs me 24/7. I am her food source and her comfort.
Yes, my partner can take over, but only for brief periods.
My toddler still needs me, a lot.
Right now he’s waking at 5am, Alyssa is waking every 2-3 hours overnight and Dan and I are exhausted.
Dylan is 2. He has BIG emotions, tantrums, fights getting dressed, bedtime…most things to be honest!
He also wants me.
He ask for me, cries for me, but he can’t always have me.
It breaks my heart.
It literally pains me.
I feel guilty.
The tug of being pulled in two directions is immense.
I can’t give either child all they want and need of me, and….it’s harrrrrrrd.
I also need time for me.
With my partner.
I’m tired.
I’m so tired.
But I’ll keep going.
I’ll keep loving.
I’ll keep giving what I can.
I’ll keep getting snippets of moments to myself when I can.
I’ll keep reminding myself I’m doing great.
I’ll keep trying.
I’ll keep the bigger picture handy – it won’t be this hard forever.
When you’re in the thick of it, it feels never-ending.
There is light at the end of the tunnel.
It gets closer everyday.
Sarah Noble is a Mum of a 6-month-old and 2.5-year-old. She is a Mindset Coach for Mums, helping them to manage their mind, optimise their mental health and come home to their authentic selves, while navigating motherhood. She also hosts Mamas’ circles. She loves normalising conversations around everyday motherhood and mental health and shares her own journey openly. You can connect with Sarah on Instagram and Facebook.
