Yin and Yang: How do you balance work and family?
I don’t yet have my own children – a fact I’m always a bit wary of declaring having experienced this being the reason an expectant parent turns down the support I offer, preferring someone who is a mother themselves…But increasingly now, I see this as less of an issue: yes, some will prefer a mother figure, but others won’t mind at all. I appreciate that wasn’t the question though…
In terms of how I balance work with…well, life…I do find it a struggle. I found it a struggle when at school, then when studying my Montessori qualification. I consistently find it hard to ‘switch off’ and especially now in a world where I am my own office, I am my own colleagues to bounce ideas off, I am solely responsible for the marketing department, for the finance department…and the legal department (although I actually do have some assistance with that part – thanks to my retired corporate lawyer parents).
I’m constantly working on finding ways though. For instance, giving myself a cut-off time each evening, from which point I will actively choose to relax. Or, actively deciding that I won’t engage with emails at the weekend when I can help it. They can wait until Monday. I find the marketing side of things particularly overwhelming so, in response, have learnt to try and schedule some of my posts, meaning the pressure isn’t on me every day to think of some way to show up on people’s feeds. I also have increasingly told myself that I shouldn’t overthink what I share – the more authentically ‘me’ I can be, the better.
I also have hobbies and set boundaries when it comes to work I will take. On Tuesdays, I sing…in a musical-theatre-esque, contemporary, community choir and have done for eight years…nine in January. Tuesday evenings, therefore, are me time. When entirely possible, I need to have finished my working hours for the day in time to reach my rehearsal location (or the eating and catching up time at the Taco place beforehand). As my cousin so wisely once guided me: the to-do list in life is never going to end. There are always things one could be doing for other people, for work, etc. So, you have to give yourself permission to make ‘making time for myself’ one of those things on the to-do list. And so, that’s what I do.
The drive: What challenges have you overcome?
I guess the main challenge I have overcome (or am constantly overcoming) is my (diagnosed) perfectionism. It’s not necessarily evident in the tidiness of my bedroom, but is the foundation of a lot of my anxiety that I am determined to do the best I possibly can and do it perfectly. The thing about working with humans is…humans aren’t perfect. And no relationship is perfect. Working so intimately with families at such a vulnerable time in their lives means I have had to really come to terms with the fact that not every situation will be perfect: sometimes, the job doesn’t go as planned; sometimes the shared values I thought I had with a family do not convert into the same external behaviours or attitudes; sometimes difficult conversations have to be had (especially about money…because a business has got to earn!). Plus, babies are unpredictable. They are their own unique person, and no matter how hard society may try, they cannot be neatly molded. They are perfectly imperfect. So too, am I.
For better or worse: What are the pros and cons of running your own business?
Running my own business has been such a learning curve…and I feel like I am constantly looking around at my fellow businesses and thinking “Ooh, should I be doing that? I need to be doing that! How can I get all those followers? Do I really need to be posting three times a day, using only so many hashtags, and not selling myself too much, but don’t forget I’m a business so I do need to sell…” etc. etc… “Comparison is the thief of joy”…as the old saying goes, and truthfully too. When I’m not busy scrolling my social media feeds and comparing other people’s content and shared successes with my own, I generally am pretty pleased with what I have achieved!
I’ve only been running Ellie May Maternity for a year, but in that time, I’ve built up so much experience, I’ve had the flexibility to add more training to my toolbox, organising my days and weeks in a way that gives me time for both. I’ve had the freedom to choose my working hours and holiday dates without having to submit any request in advance. I get to work with so many amazing families, offering them the help they so desperately need and deserve, and, what’s more, to feel brave enough, and inspired enough, to offer the more flexible and part-time support that is not traditionally available in the world of postpartum and newborn support. I’ve been able, as I’ve moved through this first year, to identify what I, and the families I work with, value most, and to make that the basis for the help that I offer. If a request is made of me that doesn’t fit with my values – whether that’s non-responsive sleep training or ‘getting our baby on a schedule by six weeks’…then I don’t need to work with that family. I can stick to those, like many reading this article, who believe in the same things I do.
Hopes and dreams: What next?
Having volunteered at a major children’s hospital in London for almost nine years now and, as a hospitalised baby myself with an older sibling, and with family members who I’ve watched juggle the same, I am aware of the struggles families in such situations face. There’s a dream in which I can find a way to access those families struggling to balance a child’s medical needs, and a newborn, and I am able to provide them with the extra support, the extra pair of hands, they need…So I guess we’ll see where that dream goes.
For now? I’ll keep going as I am! I want to keep finding families to support, whether that’s full-time daily in those early weeks and months, or just some here and there in a week to give parents some extra hours to catch up on sleep. Hopefully some of my past families, who I supported with their first-borns over the last year, return to me in the next year or two, to help with another baby. Perhaps more people find me through other means and realise that the help they really felt they wanted with their baby is available! I also want my sleep and feeding support sides of the business to begin to grow.
All-in-all, I want to continue joining the villages that every parent and baby so deserves, supporting families as they grow.
Visit the Ellie May Maternity website to find out more about the services she offers. You can also follow her on Instagram and Facebook.
