Want to practise getting comfortable with discomfort? Just sit for ten minutes with your eyes closed and notice what you experience. Discomfort is bound to come up. Don’t try to change your breath or your thoughts or the sensations in your body; just notice them. When you notice discomfort, don’t try to make it go away — just notice, and flood yourself with compassion and love.
Notice that I’m describing a basic meditation here. Research shows that an hour a day of any kind of meditation can rewire your brain and change your happiness set point in only eight weeks. But even ten minutes a day, repeated for long enough, will be just as effective.
Over time, you’ll notice that you’re less defensive, less prone to take things personally, that you’re curious instead of uncomfortable with your discomfort, and that you feel a whole lot more alive and joyful.
4. Choose what is
We all wish things were perfect. But you don’t need perfection to be happy! In fact, pursuing perfection actually sabotages happiness. That’s because we’re always holding the reality of our experience up to some ideal that can never be attained, instead of appreciating what we have. It’s like we’re always fighting with life.
So give up on perfection and accept what is. You can still take action to change things. But you’ll do that more effectively from a positive, appreciative mindset.
5. Choose love
The path to happiness requires you to accept and love yourself just the way you are, messy imperfections and all. In fact, I sometimes think that the only thing that really matters in parenting is for the parent to deeply love and accept him or herself.
That’s because your unconditional love for yourself is what allows you to love your child unconditionally. We know that’s what every child needs, and deserves. In fact, unconditional love — even when you’re setting limits — cures a whole lot of problem behaviour (and maturation cures most of the rest.)
For a whole series on healing your ability to love unconditionally, start here.
These practices will change your life over time. But why not start today, by talking to yourself like someone you appreciate and adore?
As meditation teacher Stephen Levine reminded us, “Nothing has to be different for you to be whole.”
You’ll find that accepting yourself spills over into how you talk to your child. And your child’s inner voice, when he grows up, will come from how you talk to him or her now.
Nothing has to be different for you to love yourself, wholly and completely, exactly as you are. Nothing is stopping you from being happier, starting today.
What are you waiting for?
Find the original article here.
Dr. Laura Markham is the founder of AhaParenting.com and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings and her latest book, the Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbook.
