HOW WILL THEY FACE THE REAL WORLD OUT THERE?
Let’s face it, the real world isn’t pretty, in fact, it’s pretty broken. Bigotry and hatred are rampant.
The question we need to ask ourselves here is do we want to raise another adult who will just follow the ‘rules’ blindly and invariably become another number to add to the society that is part of the problem? Or are we aiming higher? Do we instead want young minds who can think for themselves, who can recognise and follow boundaries, who are empathic and respect themselves and others and who are not afraid to stand up for humanity?
Gentle parenting raises young hearts who become peaceful (but not passive) adults.
WILL THIS NOT STIFLE THEIR INDEPENDENCE?
Independence is born out of dependence.
Self-soothing, self-regulation only comes after a child has been soothed over and over again via regulation.
Healthy self-regulation can develop under the gentle guidance of regulated grown-ups.
When a child’s need for love and connection are met, they feel confident to spread their wings and explore the world knowing that their grown-ups will always have their backs.
WILL THIS NOT MAKE THEM SPOILT AND ENTITLED?
Unconditional love is a big part of gentle parenting (both towards our children and ourselves). Showering a little human with love, respect, kindness and empathy do NOT spoil them. It allows them to flourish, become empathic and feel secure.
Gentle parenting is not the same as permissive parenting. Boundaries and limits are very much a part of gentle parenting. Although there’s a fine line between domination and partnership. Gentle parenting believes in setting collaborative boundaries with empathy, kindness and respect, in partnership with our children.
ISN’T IT MUCH EASIER AND A SAFER BET TO JUST PARENT THE WAY WE WERE PARENTED?
Parenting the way we were parented seems like a wise thing to do. After all, there’s comfort in familiarity.
Let’s think back. Most of us were promptly or eventually punished when we toed the line. We are no strangers to the naughty chair/corners. Some of us are even familiar with spanking.
Bribes and threats were part and parcel of growing up. And we are all grown-ups now. We turned out ‘fine’ didn’t we?
But let’s pause for a moment here. Do we want to aim for ‘fine’?
Our parents loved us no doubt and they did the very best that they could with the knowledge and resources available to them. And in all probability, their own childhood experiences shaped their parenting journey.
We are fortunate to have so much information and support at our fingertips. Our parenting journey does not need to follow the same path our parents and ancestors took.
And no, it’s not a disservice to them, choosing to walk a different path.
In fact, learning from the past we can prevent history from repeating itself, stop the harmful narratives and toxic practices from being passed onto the next generation.
Dilshad is the mum behind The Gentle Mamma. She enjoys being a stay at home mum. Her little family includes her exuberant two-and-a-half-year-old toddler Zaryush and her husband Percy. They are based in Auckland and enjoy beach days in the summer, basking in the winter sun and snuggles all year long. She is an avid reader and a huge Harry Potter fan. She is a passionate advocate of gentle responsive parenting. This cause has long been close to her heart but it was the birth of her son that motivated her to further it.
In March 2017 she made the decision to share their journey into gentle parenting on social media. Having a public platform to share the things that she learns as they navigate their way through parenthood has been quite the experience. She documents their personal victories and struggles out in the open keeping it real and honest. Being able to spread awareness about non-punitive methods of parenting, reaching people all over the world and being able to offer that solidarity has been invaluable and humbling. It has also been a constant journey of educating herself, which has recently brought her to the realisation that her quest for a gentle lifestyle is incomplete without sustainability. In hopes of leaving our children a thriving planet, they are taking slow but steady steps to make changes in their lives and their household. She is grateful for the opportunity to connect with so many great minds and beautiful hearts.
