By Sarah Palmer
Motherhood in our Western culture is hard to navigate. From the time we were infants, we were already being socialised into what it looks like to be the “perfect mum” – from how we should look, to how we should behave, to the things we should say – all in the name of conforming to the arbitrary social rules. These become so deeply ingrained and embedded into our value systems that many of us don’t even know that we’ve been covering up our true selves our whole lives. It is through the work of incredible women (and mums) like Dr Sophie Brock, Dr Brené Brown and Glennon Doyle that I have learned about my socialisation and how I can shed the parts of it that don’t match my inner truth.
How can you start to do the same?
You first need to know that:
You don’t have to hold yourself to expectations that you thought you had to before you became a mum.
Your value and worth is not tied to how you, your kids or your house look.
The way your baby sleeps (or doesn’t!) is not a reflection of your ability as a mother.
You can say no when you don’t want to do something. Whether that means you don’t want to do it all, or you just don’t want to do it right now.
CBF is a valid reason to not do something! So next time you say “I can’t be bothered”, allow yourself that – don’t do the thing, and don’t feel guilty!
You can say yes too! If you want to do something, but are holding back because you’re worried what other people’s judgements may be, it’s OK to do what serves you!
The work you are doing in raising your little love/s is invaluable. I know it feels like you don’t deserve to do things or spend money if you aren’t bringing in a financial income; however, without our unpaid caregiving duties, society would shut down.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. Most of us are winging it every day.