So here are my tips and tricks for dealing with our “new friends” and how to tell them they have overstayed their welcome:
- Never ever, and I repeat, never feel like you are being a drama queen, over-dramatic or pathetic. Firstly, that will make you feel like crap for doubting your own feelings, and secondly, ignoring the issue makes it 10 times worse. Depression is a completely normal thing that happens, and 1 in 6 adults live with it.
- Do not expect people who have not had it or experienced it to understand. Unless you have had it, it is bloody hard to understand how it all works. You will tie yourself in knots trying to teach it to someone.
- Having depression or anxiety DOES NOT make you a bad person. It does not mean you are weak, stupid or the likes. I look at it like having a flu. Most people get it, and for some people, it hangs around for quite some time.
- No you are not alone! As I said above, 1 in 6 adults live with it, so it is very well spread. Today’s world is a bloody hard one to live in. The expectations, pressures and guilt that are dished out are just ridiculous, so it is only fair to expect that people struggle, and some struggle really badly.
- Talk. Talk, talk, talk. Find a friend or person who understands, who relates, (I am happy to talk to absolutely anyone if they need). Talking may not miraculously make it all go away, but it will help you to feel like you’re not alone, which is a massive weight off your shoulders.
- My go-to trick to help me feel in control is PLANNING. I have a book which is my “life” book. Everything goes in there. Every single little thing that is happening in my life, appointments, to do lists, goals, aspirations, events…you name it. Having all this info in my book means I no longer have to think about it in my head. It frees me up some space and just takes a whole heap of weight off my shoulders.
- Make little goals. When you achieve something, you naturally get a sense of pride, relief and worth. Those three things are so important and really help to inspire you to feel good, overpowering those nasty demons.
- Accept. Accept that it may not always be easy. Accept that it may never go away completely. I have accepted that I live with it, but I have control of it. I know my triggers, my husband knows my triggers. I know what helps me and my husband knows what helps me. Together we kick its arse!
- Socialise! I used to lock myself up in my house for weeks and weeks. I hated the thought of seeing people. The amount of energy I had to use to pretend to be happy drained me, making me feel worse. But in all honesty, you just need to find the right people to see, and it can make the world of difference. They say laughter is the best medicine.
- Pamper yourself. I know it’s easier said than being done, but go out and give yourself some TLC. Go get your hair done, nails, eyebrows, heck if you’re brave, give the lady garden some attention and get that sex life back on track. Someone once told me that is just so on point, “You cannot love anyone else until you love yourself!”
- Go see a GP. They may have not been able to help me, but they can most definitely try to help you. It is a really important place to start. It is hard dealing with this alone, so get help if you can.
- Learn your warning signs and how to spot them early with a plan to knock them on the head. Depression is a bit like a snowball effect, if left it gets bigger and a lot worse. If I ignore my warning signs and end up in a shit storm, it is extremely difficult to get out. I end up there for days, digging and digging to get out. So it is honestly so much easier to just deal with the small snowballs before they escalate.
Trust me, I know that all the above seems like the last thing you feel like doing, but that is the hardest part about this journey. It all relies on YOU! Only YOU can make the change. Only YOU can make it better. I know it sucks and feels too hard, but life is so beautiful, it is worth giving it a full shot! I’m here for you.
Kelly Rose is a New Zealand parenting blogger winging this parenthood gig with a 8-month-old daughter in tow. Sustainability and the outdoors is a very big part of her philosophy, and she shares a fun and friendly approach with her followers.Through her blog and articles she aims to empower, support and inspire others with a twist of humorous and honest hacks about how to live in the new 21st century. Her parenting journey, new discoveries, fails and good times are shared through her blog www.theroses.nz, or on Facebook at Life with the Roses on Facebook or .
